


Let's Look at the Stars

by Gabby_doo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Angst, Character Death, Drinking, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 11:19:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13340160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabby_doo/pseuds/Gabby_doo
Summary: Keith loved Shiro more than anything on this earth but now Shiro's gone. Maybe Lance can help him get back on his feet. It's worth a shot... (or two).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ just so ya'll know, I'm not sure how long this will be but I hope you guys stay around to see how this ends up. This is indulging in both my Sheith and Klance ships. It's going to be a rough fifty fifty split with who's with who in the story. Sheith is first and Klance is second. Have a nice read!

> Keith sat cross legged, with a stuffed lion between his legs, staring at the headstone. The sun was setting and the sky was painted with shades of pink as light as blush, purple as deep as bruises, and blue as cold as sadness. As Keith sat staring at the headstone, he felt a cool breeze rustle his hair and he shivered. It was a beautiful headstone Keith noted. The stone was a dark smooth black that shined as the sun was setting and all around it were thorny red roses. _ He always loved roses with the thorns. 'Why take away a part of what makes a rose a rose?' He told me once _ , Keith thought with a sad smile. Again Keith read the headstone.   
>  **Takashi Shirogane** **  
> ****February 29th, 1996 - December 2nd, 2025** **  
> ****Go. Be great.**   
>  What a stupid quote. He would want that on his headstone. Keith could feel the tears well up in his eyes as he read the stone over and over. There had been so much he wanted to say to Shiro, so much he wanted to do. All of those unsaid words and undone deeds died with Shiro. So here Keith was, staring at Shiro's headstone, three months after he passed away. When Shiro passed away, Keith was the second person contacted after Shiro's mom.  _ You just had to go and be the hero as always, _ Keith thought as tears streamed down his cheeks. From what Keith knew, Shiro had been in Iraq and the operation he was on went south quickly. Clearly the men who came and told him of Shiro's death couldn't tell him everything, but Shiro died protecting a subordinate. Keith had wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to completely break down. Instead, he looked the two soldiers in the eyes and thanked them for telling him and Keith told them to have a nice day. The men asked him if he was going to be alright and if he had anyone that would be able to come over to be with him. Keith said yes and shut the door on the two men before they could ask anymore questions. Once the door was bolted shut Keith sank to the floor. He felt the heaviness in the back of his throat build up and his heart was pounding. Keith ran his fingers through his hair and stopped midway to hold his hair out of his face. His mind was screaming, Keith wasn't sure what it was saying, but his mind would not stop screaming. Then he felt a tears sliding down his cheek as the pool of tears that had been collecting in his eyes finally overflowed. Keith never was loud when he cried, rather he was silent and tears streamed down his face. The most noise he'd make was a sniffle. And so, on December 2nd, 2025 Keith sat alone crying over the only love he'd ever known.    
>  And here he sat again, three months later, crying alone over the only love he'd ever known. Keith hadn't gone to the funeral despite Shiro's mom inviting him. He opted to just go to work like usual to his auto shop: work himself to exhaustion so he would forget. In the months after Shiro died Keith became more numb, more closed off. He just worked, ate, sleep, and repeated. For a while it worked fine; he was comfortably numb; unfortunately Keith had gone to walmart early one morning to buy some hot pockets when he saw it- a stupid lion with a heart mane. Valentine's day was right around the corner, so of course stores were going to have these lovey-dovey toys and treats out. Of course Keith forgot. On impulse he bought that stupid lion, completely forgoing the hot pockets, and he hopped on his motorcycle and headed north. Roughly eleven hours later Keith found himself where he is now.    
>  Keith took in a shaky breath as he began to speak to the air. "Remember this stupid thing?" Keith asked the absent Shiro. "You got me one just like this I think my sophomore year of high school," Keith laughed but there was no joy in it. "I saw it earlier today and thought of you, and you know how poor my impulse control can be at times. So I bought it and since Valentine's day is soon I thought I'd give this to you," Keith sniffled a little as he placed the lion in front of the headstone. Keith sat in silence again, hands intertwined and resting in the center of his crossed legs, sniffling and crying quietly. "Sorry I didn't come," Keith said, his voice uneven because his throat keeps constricting. "I should have come, but I couldn't. I couldn't accept it. I'm sorry," Keith lifted his right arm to wipe his tears from his face. He took an uneven sigh and looked up at the stars that were beginning to pop up in the sky.    
>  "Remember how we would go to the park and lay and watch the stars?" Keith kept gazing up. "You loved constellations so much. You liked to point them out to me as the seasons changed, but I only ever remembered one- Perseus. He reminded me of you," Keith said, transferring his gaze from the sky to Shiro's headstone. "Always the hero." He laughed again and smiled because if he didn't he would just start crying. "I remember you tried so hard the one night to get me to see the little dipper, but for the life of me I couldn't find it. You had to pull up a picture on your phone and everything for me to finally see it in the sky," Keith reminisced. "You said I was your North star a lot throughout the years," Keith sighed. "I wish I could hear you tell me that again." Keith began to cry all over, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks. He began to aggressively rub at his eyes in an attempt to will himself to stop crying, but it didn't work. He put off his grieving for too long and the loss of Shiro is hitting him all at once. Keith stood up and glared down at the headstone.   
>  "We were supposed to live together and die together you asshole! We-we were going to come home to Jersey, buy a small house, and live until we were in our nineties! We were supposed to finally be able to live happily ever after once you were out of the military! I was going to die before you! You were supposed to come home to me!" Keith yelled and screamed at a Shiro that could no longer listen. "I loved you more than anything in this shitty world we live in, and you just had to die. You just had to be the fucking hero," Keith sunk to the floor, head bowed, tears still streaming down his face. "I don't know how many times I told you to be the coward, but I should have known you wouldn't have listened," Keith spoke softly. Keith looked at the headstone again, then looked at the plot of land to his right. "Well, if there is one thing we did right, we at least bought two plots of land right next to each other so we'd be together forever," Keith looked at the empty plot longingly. "I miss you so much." Slowly Keith went back to the cross legged position he was in initially and rested his head on his palms.    
>  Some time passed and Keith just continued to sit and stare at Shiro's headstone. Suddenly he felt a tap on his back. "Who the fuck are you?" Keith whipped around to look at whoever just touched him. The face he saw in the moonlight was a warm brown tone with chocolate brown hair and his eyes were the most beautiful blue he'd ever seen. Nearly as deep a blue as the ocean.    
>  "I'm Lance. Who are you?" Lance asked head tilted in confusion.   
>  "I'm Keith," Keith replied as he turned back to look at Shiro's grave.   
>  "So you're the infamous Keith," Lance said while sitting down next to Keith on his left.   
>  "Infamous?" Keith turned to look at Lance confused as to how he seems to know him.   
>  "Yeah. Shiro here talked a lot about you. Actually, I think you were almost all he talked about," Lance said smiling at Keith. Keith felt like he could start crying again.    
>  "That's nice to know. What'd he say about me?" Keith asked, voice wavey. Lance leaned back on his hands to look at the stars.   
>  "Well, Shiro told me you were his best friend who he was going to marry when he left the Marines," Lance looked at Keith and smiled again. "I can see he was right about you being beautiful too. He told me about your eyes once. 'A beautiful storm' is how he described them. He was so poetic for whatever reason, a real romantic for sure," Lance stated as he turned his head to continue gazing at the stars. "Let's see, what else did he say about you? Hmm, oh, he said you can be pretty dense sometimes. Hints fall flat on you apparently, so Shiro had to always be completely direct with you, no beating around the bush. He told me that when he first tried to tell you he liked you he was a senior and you were a freshman in high school. You didn't get any hints he was dropping that he liked you more than a friend," Lance chuckled a little before continuing, "I liked the story where Shiro asked you to come and cuddle with him one night and you thought it was a friendly gesture. Then, that morning when you felt him hard as a rock you just told him he should go and deal with it! Nonchalant as anything too according to him. How you couldn't put two and two together to figure that boner was because of you I'll never know," Lance chuckled again at the thought of a memory that wasn't his. Keith felt a blush spread across his cheeks. He turned his head to look at Shiro's gravestone.   
>  "You two were good friends? It seems like you guys must have been because he told you that story," Keith asked quietly.   
>  "Yeah. We've been in the same unit for the past three years now, so I saw him pretty regularly. We went on a few deployments together. He was a great guy. He doesn't deserve to be the one six feet under," Lance sighed and copied Keith's position, cross legged and looking at the headstone. "He told me you loved bikes. Took me a month to figure out he meant motorcycles, but he told me you owned a body shop in North Carolina. You got it after working off your student debt or something. He was so proud of you, and that was just one of many things that you did that made him proud," Lance said. Keith glanced over to look at Lance's face and saw that the grin that was initially on his face had been replaced with a small sad smile. After a moment of silence Lance turned his gaze toward Keith, "I am so sorry for your loss. He really loved you."    
>  Keith couldn't help the tears that ran down his face after that. He was staring at Shiro's headstone as he cried. Over and over he read Shiro's name that was set it stone, never to be reversed. A few silent minutes passed, with Lance gazing at Keith and Keith crying.   
>  Slowly Lance inched his way closer to Keith and pulled him into a side hug. Lance softly pushed Keith's head onto his shoulder and he took his right arm and wrapped it around Keith's side. Gently Lance rubbed Keith's side in an attempt to comfort.    
>  "Shiro told me that he knew you'd probably not show up to his funeral if he died in the military. He was certain you'd want to avoid it for as long as you could. So, did you go?" Lance questioned. Keith was still crying, so he didn't want to speak. Instead he shook his head no against Lance's shoulder. "He knew you so well. He knew that you'd eventually come to his grave though. He's probably so happy right now seeing you here," Lance stated.   
>  "I don't believe in a heaven or hell or any type of afterlife. I think it's all a load of shit," Keith choked out between sniffles.   
>  "To each their own. For me, with my job, and the shit I've seen, personally I need to believe that there's more life after death. I need there to be something," Lance said while turning his head toward the stars. "So, I hope Shiro is somewhere better and that he's looking down at you smiling."    
>  "So do you believe in a god then too?" Keith asked quietly.   
>  "Now I didn't say that. Honestly, I'm conflicted on that one because on one hand, why would a god who's supposed to love us allow us to go through so much shit constantly, but on the other hand there have been some miraculous things happen to to people. So my answer is I don't know. Depends on the day I guess. Ask me again tomorrow," Lance chuckled at his indecisiveness. They sat in comfortable silence after that. About ten minutes pass before Lance piped up again.   
>  "Aren't you supposed to be is North Carolina?" Lance asked craning his head to look at Keith. By now Keith had calmed down enough to speak evenly again.   
>  "Yeah," was his response.   
>  "And now you're in New Jersey?" Lance asked.   
>  "No, I'm on the moon," Keith deadpanned.   
>  "So, how long have you been home for?" Lance asked. Keith peeled himself away from Lance before he answered.   
>  "A few hours by now. I drove from my shop to here all in one shot on my bike," Keith stated.   
>  "So you drove here today? Why?" Lance was confused.    
>  "I... I saw that," Keith pointed at the stuffed lion in front of the headstone.   
>  "Oh, okay," Lance nodded. "Well, he told me about how impulsive you could be. I can see that you can be pretty impulsive now. Impulsive enough to drive over ten hours to a gravesite because of a stuffed animal. He said that was your double edged sword actually: sometimes great things happened, other times bad things happened. Either way, he said he wouldn't have you any other way," Lance smiled brightly again.   
>  Keith turned his head at Lance and saw him smiling. Suddenly, as if Lance had remember something, he shoved his hands into his hoodies pocket and pulled out two ice tea monsters. "I came here to share Shiro and mine's favorite drink. I had bought one to put it on his gravestone, but since you're here I'm sure he'd rather me share it with his lovely Keith," Lance held out the drink for him to take. Keith took the offering.    
>  "So, what's your guys' story? Shiro talked about you all the time, but I only ever got stories that were out of chronological order or he just gushed over an aspect of your personality. I was going to ask him for the full story one day, but that day will never come, so will you tell me?" Lance asked cracking open the energy drink. Keith sat quietly contemplating whether he should or shouldn't tell Lance their whole complicated mess of a relationship. Despite Shiro knowing the guy for years, this was the first time Keith ever met the guy. But, Keith couldn't deny that he's been dying to talk to someone over this, over what Shiro and him had been and what they could have been. Keith decided.  _ Fuck it _ , Keith thought and he cracked open his drink.   
>  "Alright. Where should I begin?" Keith asked.   
>  "What better place to start then the beginning?" Lance answered then took a swig of his drink.


	2. Chapter 2

Lance turned himself so that now he was facing Keith, not the headstone.   
"Okay. Well, I guess it all started back when I was about nine. Shiro was thirteen. His mom was my third foster parent because I was too much for the first two. I was really bad when I was young, and I hated taking orders from anyone so I was the definition of a problem child. Shiro's mom took me in despite my bad reviews because she is genuinely the sweetest and most loving human being on this earth. Nine year old me didn't think that though, so I started causing problems practically the second I walked through the door. First it was just attitude. Like, I wouldn't eat the food she gave me, I'd refuse to go to sleep, I wouldn't take a bath, and I would never clean up after myself. She took all of that with patience and grace and that pissed me off to no end so I decided to get physical. After about two weeks I was able to find Shiro's baseball bat and a baseball tucked away inside a closet. Shiro's mom had to go grocery shopping, so she left Shiro and me back home so it was perfect. I went outside and kept throwing the ball up in the air and tried to hit it toward the house. My end goal was to break a window and eventually I accomplished just that. Shiro heard it and came running down the stairs to see what happened. He saw the glass in the living room and the ball, and when he looked out he saw me with a shit eating grin on my face. I didn't see that his mom was rounding the corner at this point, but he did, so he rushed outside and took the bat from me. I thought he was going to beat me, but instead he took the blame for breaking the window. She was the sweetest woman in the world, so Shiro wasn't grounded. She just had him do extra chores around the house and made his curfew 8 o'clock instead of 10. Before Shiro, no one ever took the blame for me. I was always the one getting in trouble whether or not I did or didn't do something. Since he was the first person to do something for me that had negative consequences I decided that I would follow him around like a little puppy. Whenever he had baseball games I'd go, if he went to a friend's house to play basketball I'd follow and be on his team, if he was watching T.V. I was right there next to him watching whatever was on. It didn't matter what he was doing, as long as he wasn't in the bathroom, sleeping, or at school I would be right next to him. Somehow that didn't bother him- having a kid four years younger than him always trailing close behind," Keith sighed and took a sip of his monster. He chanced a glance toward Lance who was intensely listening to him. Keith went back to staring at Shiro's headstone before continuing.   
"I lived with Shiro and his mother for about two years. Other kids came and went. Some stayed for a few days, others months. Where they ended up I have no idea, but when I turned eleven a nice older man, Coran, adopted me. He had another girl, also adopted, and she was twelve. Her name was Allura. Luckily for me Coran lived right down the street from Shiro's mom, so I was able to still follow him around like a little lost puppy. I also think it was around this time I figured out I was definitely irrefutably gay," Keith stopped because Lance giggled. "What?"   
"How'd you know you were 'irrefutably gay'?" Lance asked while doing air quotes.   
"Experiments with porn. Dicks are just my thing," Keith responded. Lance looked to be fighting a laugh. Keith continued, "Anyways, I figured out I was gay. So who was I to tell? Clearly Shiro. So, as usual, I followed him to his house and into his bedroom like I did everyday. While we were both working on our homework I just blurted it out because in the book I was reading for my English class the word gay was in it. So I just stated it, 'Shiro I'm gay," just like that. It took Shiro a hot sec to register what I said I guess because I didn't get an immediate response. After a few minutes had passed he asked me if I was sure, and I told him yes. Now, I had been on the floor and he was on his bed. He practically flew off his bed and tackled me into the ground. Turns out he was hugging me, but it felt like he was squeezing my life force out of me. I tried to get him off of me at first, but I started feeling wetness around my neck and I realized he was crying, so I started to rub his back instead and ever so slowly his vice grip on me loosened. This was the first time I'd ever seen him cry, so I was at a loss as to how to help. I don't know how long he was crying for, but I eventually asked him why he was crying. He told me it was because he likes guys too but he didn't want anyone to know because he didn't want to be hated by his classmates and especially me. He didn't want  _ me _ to hate him. So, knowing that I was gay made him feel so relieved that he just couldn't help but cry. With knowing I wouldn't hate him, he finally gained the courage to tell his school friends that he was gay, and it when far better than he ever imagined. Everyone accepted him for who he was and that was the end if it, and anyone who didn't like it kept their mouths shut from my knowledge," Keith stopped to take another sip of his drink.   
"It wasn't until my eighth grade year-when I was thirteen- did shit start to happen. For reasons unknown to me, the kids in my grade began to torment me. I was always a loner, but I never made issues for anyone. After I met Shiro, my bad behavior just slowly slipped away. I don't know how I pissed anyone off enough to be constantly made to feel like a walking piece of shit, but somehow I managed it. These kids tormented me in every way they could imagine. They started off telling me I was an unwanted child because I was adopted, then they told me to go back to Korea where I belong, and eventually they started making fun of me because I was openly gay too. Now I just ignored all of this, and didn't give those asshats the time of day. They didn't like that, so things started to get physical. They'd take my bookbag and dump everything out during gym, sometimes they 'accidently' knock all of my books out of my hands, a few times during lunch they'd walk past where I was sitting and spill their drinks all over my papers when I was doing homework, and so on. I never told Shiro though because I didn't want him to worry about me," Keith sighed before continuing. "It was hard to keep the harassment secret though after they decided it'd be funny to hold me down in the bathroom one day and cut some of my hair off. If it had been one or two of them, maybe even three, I might have been able to fight them off, but there was seven of them that followed me into the bathroom. I was fucked the minute I stepped into that bathroom and I should have known that. Either way, my hair was fucked up ten ways to Sunday, and I was devastated because I only care about three thing-" Keith was suddenly cut off by Lance.   
"Your hair, your bike, and Shiro," Lance stated.   
"Exactly. So there went my hair. I skipped the rest of school and just went to Shiro's house. No one was home, but I knew where the spare key was so I let myself in. I sat in Shiro's bedroom crying before I finally fell asleep. I woke up to Shiro shaking me. He looked so worried I almost felt bad for showing up. So, at that point I told him about the bullying and I showed him the back of my head. I don't think I had seen Shiro so angry before at the time. He told me to hold on and he went downstairs. Not two minutes later he was back telling me to go downstairs because his mom was going to fix my hair. She was a hairdresser, and my hair looked like shit, so I couldn't refuse. Twenty minutes later and I had an undercut. Afterwards Shiro took me up to his room and we sat watching YouTube videos and I remember him running his hand through my hair telling me I looked very handsome with the new haircut and that was when I knew I loved Shiro. He was my hero, always coming to my rescue, and I knew I'd never find anyone who'd treat me like he did in a million lifetimes," Keith sighed again. "I was certain I loved him when a month later he was able to whoop all seven of those guys' asses into the next week. It must of took him a month to figure out who was involved. After that, the bullying died down for a while, at least all the physical bullying, and I was grateful for that much. Shiro constantly asked if they were still bothering me and I lied and told him no because I didn't want him to worry about me. Honestly I could deal with it. Yeah it bothered me, but I had Shiro so I was fine. Anyways, I had bigger issues to deal with- I was in love with Shiro my only friend. Now I am a terribly impulsive person, but when it came to telling Shiro I loved him I just couldn't bring myself to tell him because I was well aware of what could happen if the feelings weren't returned, so of course I hid them," Keith took a moment to gaze up at the stars.   
"If only I had known that he loved me back, maybe things would have turned out differently. I asked a few years ago when he figured out he loved me, and oddly enough it was the day I got my undercut. Crazy how things work out in the world. Anyway, finally, Shiro and I were in the same school. I was a freshman and he was a senior, but that didn't matter. The bullying still went on but it was nothing compared to the year before since everyone was well aware that I was friends with the beloved Shiro. He was the captain of the baseball team, he was his class president, he was part of the Red Cross club, he was in Math League, and he was sixth in his class. He was damn near perfect and everyone loved him. So I was in the clear most of the time. But you know kids in high school, they talk and make up rumors. So somehow, before winter break, a rumor got passed around that me and Shiro were a couple which caused a lot of tension between us but neither of us would address it. We both dispelled the rumor in the last week of school before the break but those ten days off were filled with tension. I was always over, but now there was this clear sexual tension that we could cut with a knife. We made eye contact and I'd blush, I'd accidentally brush my hand against his leg when I got up from the couch and he'd jump, he'd take his shirt off to change into pajamas and I'd have to turn my whole body to face the opposite direction. This was actually when the awkward cuddles commenced because I could never tell him no. Honestly, I never would have guessed he liked me like a boyfriend, but then he went and asked me to cuddle with him, but then he didn't say he liked me like that, and I'm a pessimist, so I just instantly assume the worst until proven otherwise, so there I was the next morning confused as to why my friend had a boner pressed up against my back. Years ago I asked him what he thought after that incident, and apparently he thought that I only liked him as a friend and assume I was letting him down easy. I was unaware that a boner to your back was a way to ask somebody out because my ass would have said yes in a heartbeat. But yeah, that happened. Now, since Shiro was popular he was constantly invited to parties, but he rarely went, opting to stay with me and hang out most of the time. However this time Shiro accepted an invite for a party near the end of break. It was a New Year's Eve party and he asked me if I wanted to go, and I can't tell him no so I told him yes. So we went to the party and there was plenty of alcohol and weed and who knows what else. I learned later the party had been thrown by some kids who were in some Christian cult and it was just weird. Anyways, we stroll in, and there's maybe twenty people max and by the time we showed up everyone was fucked up on one thing or another. Now I'm fourteen and had never partook in drug related activities. Little did I know Shiro had, so he walked in and greeted everybody like he knew them well, which he did. He asked me if I wanted anything to drink, and I said yes. But when he came back with a beer in his hand I declined because at that point I was against drinking when it came to myself. That didn't stop Shiro from drinking though. Again, years later I asked why he drank even though I didn't and he told me that he was feeling kind of down after I rejected him so he wanted a distraction. He brought me along because he didn't want to leave me on New Year's though. So I was the only sober person at this party and I just watched Shiro as he slowly became more drunk and eventually high. Despite the guy's size he was a total lightweight. Shiro was so fucking out of it by eleven it was actually kind of comical. He was so loose and calm, like he didn't have a care in the world. He was so giggly too. Everything was funny to him. Shiro also became gradually more and more clingy too. After he was drunk he came over, sat on my lap, and started carding his fingers through my hair and was mumbling on and on about how pretty he thought I was. Someone beckoned him over to where a group of them were smoking pot and Shiro went and did that and when he came back to sit on my lap he was suddenly fascinated by how soft my hair felt and he swore up and down that there were constellations in my eyes. He was so not coherent that I was laughing at just about everything he said to me. At some point he said he was hungry and asked if he could eat me. I laughed and told him no, but he said he was going to anyways and started nipping at my hair. Then he tried to bite my ear which got me giggling which made him start to laugh and we were both just laughing like everything was fine even though it wasn't. Between the two of us laughing we nearly missed as the ball dropped, but we caught it as it hit. I turned to look at Shiro to tell him happy New Year but instead he grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss. His eyes were shut as he gave me one loud smooch, sound effect and all. It was no make out or a sweet and loving kiss. This kiss, to me, was just a quick comical kiss given from one friend to another because we needed a New Year's kiss, but my heart was racing because I loved him and wanted to be with him but couldn't find the balls to ask him out. So while he was all giddy, smiley, high, and drunk, I was flustered and completely sober. I pushed him off and went outside and fought the bitter cold because I needed to cool down. I felt like I was overheating. I wasn't out there long and once my heart had calmed down and I felt more cold than warm I went back inside. That fucker- I wanted to kill him- had some other guy sitting on his lap and he was making out with him. All I could think was  _ why not me; why didn't he kiss me like that _ . So I stormed off toward the kitchen and found a cozy corner to brood in. Since Shiro was 90% of my impulse control, the minute he pissed me off, my impulse control went out the window. So by this point I'd fight someone if they looked at me funny essentially. Luckily no one looked at me weird, instead this other senior who was openly bi came over to me, drink in hand. His name was Lotor. He was known for being a little shit and causing trouble where he could. When he approached me, he was approaching with the intent to cause a problem. He asked if I knew that my boyfriend was making out with some guy in the living room. I told him to shove it, but Lotor was also known for his persistence so he pressed further. He kept making comments on how it must be nice to be in an open relationship. I eventually pushed him and said that Shiro and I weren't together. I don't think I'll ever forget the look he gave me after that. He looked like he was about to devour me. He placed his drink on the counter behind me and said something about how it doesn't matter if he kissed me then, and suddenly I found myself sloppily making out with a mostly high and slightly drunk Lotor. I initially tried to push him away because I loved Shiro, but I am so spiteful that I decided fuck it, I'm doing this because why waste my time on a guy who doesn't even love me like that. So I was making out with Lotor for who knows how long, but eventually he suggested we go see if a bedroom was open and I said sure. Looking back I know I was just being a stupid spiteful fourteen year old, but I was just so hurt and all my impulse control left when I saw Shiro with that guy. I'll spare you the details and tell you that Lotor was the first blowjob I ever gave. After I did that we parted our separate ways, I grabbed Shiro who was now alone, and I called Coran to see if he could come and get us. The entire time we waited for Coran Shiro was hanging all over me completely unaware that I was literally two seconds away from slitting his throat. Shiro stayed over that night, and we hung out like nothing happened the night before. Shiro told me a few years ago he doesn't remember anything about that party, but he apologized for making out with that guy. Sometime during the first week back a few different rumors began to float around. One was that Shiro and I were in a relationship because he kissed me at that party. The other was that Shiro was a dirty cheater because people saw him make out with another guy that wasn't me. The third was the I was a dirty cheater because I gave a guy that wasn't Shiro a blowjob. Only part of the rumors were true, but all three rumors started causing problems for me and Shiro since they were mostly all lies. Well, the rumors were causing me a lot more problems than Shiro. Like I said, everyone loved Shiro, but me? Now I was the slutty cheating boyfriend that everyone hated. I got a few notes stuck in my locker telling me how ungrateful I was for having Shiro and then cheating on him. I had a few people scream hoe boy at me in the halls once or twice. I had a couple guys ask me in front of their friends if I'd give them a blow job. Pretty much I got a lot of shit for cheating while Shiro was praised like some type of hero for cheating on such a loser like me. He hated it, and he lost a lot of friends because of these rumors since he would drop his nice guy façade and tell them to fuck off and stop talking down on me. He rarely loses his temper, so it had to be some seriously bad stuff they were saying for him to lose his cool. I always felt so special that he would get angry on my behalf, but I hated that he lost friends over it. After a month or so the rumors died down and things went back to normal minus a friend or two. Now I was hoping we'd never really talk about the rumors just like we didn't talk about the rumor before break. I was wrong. We were in Shiro's bedroom on the floor when Shiro asked if he kissed me that night and if he made out with another guy later and when I answered yes he started to blush. Then he asked the question I was dreading- did I give a guy a blowjob. I couldn't lie because I simply couldn't bring myself to. I told him yes and he looked like he was about to cry. Then he asked me why. There was no reasonable answer to give and I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him it was because I was jealous and wanted to get back at him. I shrugged. He looked so sad after that. I just went and hugged him and started apologizing. I don't know when, but I started crying and so did he. After crying ourselves to exhaustion we climbed up on his bed and laid down cuddling for the second time. This lead to a weird year of acting like a couple in private but acting like friends in public and I was so confused and so was Shiro because we had no idea what we were because at home we would cuddle and run our fingers through each others hair and kiss and sleep together and lay on each other and complement each other but at school and then back at work we acted like we were just really close friends. It was great on one hand when I didn't think too far into it, but when I started to try and figure our relationship out I just got so confused. It would have made everything so much easier if we had just communicated, but we were young and stupid and in love and neither one of us wanted to ruin whatever we had going because we were scared we'd loss it," Keith took a shaky breath. He hadn't relieved their relationship to this extent in a long time. It was even harder knowing it isn't going to continue. Keith looked at Lance who looked shocked. Keith pointed at the lion.   
"That lion right there, he got one for me on Valentines Day my sophomore year. He was going to community college at the time. I was surprised by the gesture, but I loved that stupid lion almost as much as I loved him. Can you believe that neither of us could say I love you still? All this shit and neither of us could say it. Amazing how stupid we were. Anyway, I was still getting harassed at school by the same fuckers because some people never grow up, but I had Shiro, so even as it got worse I was fine and I would just take it because I didn't want to worry Shiro. Everything came crashing down when Shiro told me he had enlisted into the Marine Corps. That was a shocker for me. Apparently college wasn't for him and he decided the military would be good for him. He had been working on getting enlisted since January and he said he should be leaving by May. This boy really knew what to say and do to break me down. He didn't tell me about enlisting because he knew I'd talk him out of it because he could never tell me no. I think he told me this maybe a month before he had to leave. Through tears I told him I was happy for him and that'd I'd be fine without him around. So for the last month he was home we kept doing what we had been and pretended like he wasn't leaving. He kept coming to pick me up after school, we kept cuddling and kissing, I kept beating him at our one on one basketball games, and we kept going and staring at the constellations. I haven't mentioned that yet huh. Shiro was the hugest space nerd and he knew all about the stars and he's been like this since I've known him. After I was adopted by Coran we made it our thing to go to the park at least once a month and stare at the stars. If we could go more we did, but we went at least once a month. He loved to point out the constellations to me, but to this day I can only ever find Perseus," Keith tilted his head toward the sky and found that constellation and stared at it for a moment before placing his attention back at Shiro's headstone.   
"Sorry, I got distracted. As I was saying, we pretended like nothing was wrong for that last month. Then the night before he had to leave finally arrived. That night we went to our park and laid down to stare at the stars one last time. Shiro spent quite a lot of time trying to get me to see the little dipper. Eventually I was able to find it in the sky. I asked why he was so dead set on me seeing that constellation. 'You are my north star that guides me home.' That's what he told me. Finally I grew a pair and I told him I loved him because what did I have to loss, he was already leaving. Shiro, his eyes lit up and he radiated joy like the sun radiates heat. He looked so happy and he just kept kissing me all over my face. He told me I should've told him sooner because he loved me too. Our momentary happiness was destroyed when we remembered that he was leaving at 4 a.m. Shiro looked me dead in the eyes when he asked me to wait for him. I told him I could wait a million lifetimes for him. When he left that morning his mom and I were a mess," Keith sighed again.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith looked at Lance, "You liking the story so far?"   
"It's not the story I expected, but it's the story that happened so please continued. I am very invested now," Lance stated still staring at Keith intently.   
"Alright. So we did the whole letter thing for the three months he was in boot camp, I made fun of him for being bald, and we just made the most of the time we had together for the ten days he was home after boot camp. By the time he was in the fleet I was a junior and he was on the other side of the country. The constant harassment by those guys came back full force by this point, and Shiro was gone and so was my impulse control. I can take the verbal stuff, but after that not working they resorted to the physical stuff again. The one guy, he saw me in the hallway and decided to trip me so all my binders and papers went flying. Rather than picking up my shit I turned and grabbed the kid by his neck and pushed him up against the locker. The dumb ass pissed himself I scared him so bad. That was the first time in four years I ever responded to their abuses. I thought after the guy embarrassed himself like that him and his friends would stop, but I was wrong as usual. As it just so happens, that guy was the groups ring leader, and they didn't like that I embarrassed him in front of people. Long story short, they jumped me. I gave them one hell of a fight though. I was able to knock one guy out, gave another a broken nose, and I gave two of them black eyes. Still, they handed me my ass. I think I had three or four fractured ribs, my left eye was bruised, my lip was slit, and I had a pretty bad gash on my right leg. When I got home I scared Coran half to death. He took me to the hospital so they could fix me up as best they could. Coran wanted to press charges but I wouldn't let him. So that was how my first few months of junior year went. One of those guys fucked with me, I retaliate despite whatever injuries I had, then they come as a group and fucked with me. I never told Shiro during our calls what was happening to me. I normally would tell him about Coran and Allura, my school work, and how my job was at the autobody shop. I realized something weird all the time Shiro was away. When he's gone for months, it feels like he isn't real, like I made him up or something. I sometimes have to go and look at his instagram to prove to myself that yes, this guy, this wonderful person, does in fact exist. When he came home for Christmas that year I was so happy. My school life was killing me, and going home was peaceful but nothing beats Shiro. I went with his mom up to the Philly airport, and when I saw Shiro walking toward us with that huge beautiful grin of his I feel in love all over again. I missed seeing him everyday and it hit me then how much I missed him. I hadn't realized I missed him when I saw him after boot camp because I was working myself to the bone during the summer, but man did I fucking miss him. I swear to god I am such a bitch when it comes to him, but when he hugged me I couldn't help but cry. His mom cried too though, so it made me feel a little better. He was home for ten days again and we did everything we used to do. We were stargazing when I asked the one question that had been bothering me- are we boyfriends? We said I love you, but neither one of us asked the other to be their boyfriend. Shiro turned to me and smiled. 'Of course silly' he said. I felt weightless after he told me that. I felt like I was on top of the world. So even though I cried when he left I was still so happy to know he was finally mine. Unfortunately, having Shiro as a boyfriend didn't stop the other shit in my life. Those guys kept fucking with me, and because of that I was beginning to be ostracized even more than usual because no one wanted to be tormented like me so even the two kids who'd sometimes talk to me stopped. The only thing I had going for me was my grades, and even that was a struggle to keep. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that I had to prove my second grade teacher wrong because he told me I'd never graduate high school and I was going to graduate top of my class just to spite him. Luckily for me, no matter how terrible my day was, I always had Shiro's calls to look forward to. I loved to hear his voice, and most of the time he did most of the talking. The more we talked on the phone the less I had to say because he made it more than obvious he didn't always want to talk about school and high school classes, and since that's really all I had to talk about, I just listened to Shiro talk for hours. Shiro came home again for Easter that year and we finally had sex. I'm not sure if you've ever done anal. It's harder than how porn portrays it, or at least it was for us. It actually hurt a lot, but I just dealt with it because Shiro was enjoying it. I had my first blow job then too. Shiro was great at that," Keith sighed and shook his head at the memory.   
"I didn't realize it back then, but I needed constant reassurance from Shiro that he wanted me; especially after I got even more emotionally attached to him since we had sex. All the bullying and isolation was really getting to me at that point, and going home was always a relief because Coran and Allura loved me unconditionally, but I started acting out and lashing out at them and really just being an overall dick. Shiro though, he was the person who kept me grounded, so I didn't want to lose him so I always had to know he loved me and wanted me because if he left me I wasn't sure what'd I'd do with myself. Despite the shit in school, and me being a dick to Coran and Allura, my relationship with Shiro was just fine. We talked about everything and anything every single night. Talking to him was like my escape from reality. So life went on like that; Shiro and I did our own things on opposite sides of the country, and every night he'd call and we'd talk on the phone for hours. Sometimes he'd call me drunk and it would be so fucking funny. Our late night phone conversations were the highlight of my junior year, but all good things come to an end. Some time during the summer before my senior year Shiro told me he was going on his first deployment in September. I was worried and all about him going overseas, but I didn't realize that our communication would go to shit," Keith shook his head.   
"I was so stupid back then," Keith paused and thought for a moment before continuing. " _ We _ were so stupid actually. We were so bad at communicating early on. He would neglect to tell me important things and I'd do the same to him. If you want to know how problems are caused in relationships, that's definitely one of them. So for the first few months he was over there we talked maybe six times verbally on the phone. We texted a little more frequently but it wasn't much better. That was rough for me, and not being able to talk to him frequently affected my sleep, my hygiene, my appetite, and I became way more volatile. It was... it was really bad. My senior year was the first year I ever got reprimanded too. I had detentions all the time for getting into fights and I actually got suspended twice. But I knew Shiro would be coming home in March so I just made the best of a shitty situation. I'm not sure if you know, but 2017 and 2018 was a rough fucking year for Shiro. This poor guy, he was two months away from coming home when he was captured and tortured by one of the radical groups over where he was. When his mom was told she called me over immediately and at the time he was just MIA so we had no clue if he was dead or alive. The two of us just sat and cried for hours, and I didn't go to school for a week. Now, I'm still not sure what exactly happened to Shiro because he couldn't really talk about it in detail, but it must have been awful judging by the scars that were all over his body. Not to mention the loss of an arm and the trauma being so bad that part of his hair turned white. God, I can't even imagine what he could have gone through. He was gone for close to a year, so he was MIA for six months. Of course I thought he was dead and it was only a matter of time before they found his body so I just kind of gave up on living myself. I see now how childish that was, to just give up, but back then it felt like my whole world was gone. So I had a solid no friends, a presumed dead boyfriend, a group of kids who still made it their way of life to fuck with me, a shitty relationship with Coran and Allura because I was unstable, my grades were slipping, and I got into drugs. So me and Shiro both had a rough time during that part of our lives, and by the time he came home things were pretty fucked up for the both of us. He was rescued in July and was in a hospital in California for a few weeks. While he was there he ended up getting a cool prototype prosthetic for his arm which I'm sure you've noticed. Again, when his mom found out he was back in the states and was alive she called me over. I was pretty high off of some weed when I got the call, but I still rushed over there to be with her. I was so relieved to know he was alright. Since I was so fucked up at the time I never thought about what would happen when I saw Shiro again. I never even considered how he'd react to seeing me high as a kite and so out of it I couldn't tell up from down," Keith had to close his eyes for a moment and breath before continuing.   
"This is around about when everything just went to shit for us. Shiro came home near the beginning of August and he was taking a month long leave because he needed it after the year he'd had. He didn't tell me he was coming home, instead he chose to surprise me. That was a mistake. See, I was always getting high and drunk in my room anytime I was home, and since it was the weekend I wasn't working so clearly I was getting high off of something. Pretty sure it was weed laced with angel dust. I only remember bits of what happened, but I remember hearing Allura telling him he should wait at his house and that she'd send me over later, but Shiro wanted to see me right then so he came into my room anyway. I remember seeing his face go from confused to shocked to worried. He might have said something but I don't remember that much. I do remember the second I saw him tears were streaming down my face because I thought he was just a hallucination. The next day I woke up in his bed. He was cuddling me and when I turned around I could see the remnants of dried tears on his cheeks. Great homecoming, am I right? Poor guy was definitely not expecting me to be how I was. That had to have been the roughest month in our entire relationship. He was struggling with his PTSD, and me, I was struggling with my addiction. I think nearly every time we slept together I was woken up by him trying to hurt me. A few times it was strangling, once or twice he punched me in the face, and he tried to suffocate me with a pillow. Any normal human being would have thought, 'hey, this is not safe. Stop going to sleep with him in the same bed,' but like I said, I was far from okay so I didn't care. Honestly at the time I still wanted to die because Shiro wasn't himself and I wasn't myself. Shiro, after the first time he tried to strangle me, didn't want to sleep in the same bed anymore, but I fucking threw a fit because I wanted to be with him no matter what, and he could never tell me no, so he caved. I think it still fucked him up to this day how many times he hurt me during that period of our lives. I could tell then that it pained him to see the bruises on my neck and face, and I don't think he really ever got over it even though he had no control over it and I pretty much forced him to sleep with me. We never really talked about that time in our relationship. Anyway, we got into a lot more fights too. We generally get along and rarely fought and it was even more rare for either of us to yell. I knew Shiro for years though, and I knew the exact buttons to push to get him angry, and he knew the exact ones to push on me in return. Our first fight had to do with how he didn't want to sleep with me anymore because he didn't want to hurt me, and after screaming at each other for ten minutes I stormed out, went home, got some of my weed that had angel dust in it, and walked into the woods that were behind where we lived. He must have been trailing me because he stopped me before I could smoke and told me I could sleep with him if I didn't smoke for the rest of the time he was home. I promised I wouldn't. We fought about our sex life a few times because I don't like anal but he did and that was a mess. But I can't tell him no so we basically agreed that anytime we did it while he was back I'd get drunk first. Since I wasn't smoking my weed with angel dust regularly I started going through withdrawal and I became irritable so I felt the need to start fights unnecessarily. I called him a hypocrite for making me stop smoking when he used to smoke which pissed him off. He said he was young and stupid when he did that and I reminded him I'm the exact same age he was when he smoked so he should just let me do it. That was a yelling match that went on for forever which ended in Shiro pulling me by my hair from the living room, up the stairs to his bedroom, and he shoved me onto his bed shut the door and left. Honestly I'm glad his mom stopped fostering kids after she found out about Shiro going MIA. No kid should have heard any of those fights. Shiro's mom worked during the day so no one ever saw these fights," Keith laughed sadly.   
"We were so fucked up, but I still loved him. Unbelievably so. But Shiro decided that it was time to break things off. It was actually the fight where he dragged me by my hair that he decided that. He came back later that day and woke me up from my nap to tell me. He didn't want to keep hurting me, and he could tell that everything was only going to get worse between us, so it was better for us to break things off before we destroyed our relationship even more. The entire time he was breaking up with me he was crying. I still find it amazing I could elicit such strong emotions from him when he was usually such a cool headed person. Young love makes you crazy, and they always say your first love normally doesn't work out. The rest of that night is a haze because I got myself fucked up on my weed angel dust and I was hallucinating. Four years. We didn't speak to each other for four years after that. The break up hit me hard, but I got better. During that time frame I actually made some friends because Allura was able to get me to go to rehab and get better. That's a story for another time, but that girl means so much to me. She is the sister I always needed. But yeah, she introduced me to a Hunk and Pidge, and they helped me enroll into community college. They were such a great support system for me, I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. After I finished my second year at the community college and enrolled in a university nearby Shiro called me. It was just a quick simple call. He just wanted to know how I was because his mom told him I was going to school and all. I asked him what he was doing with himself because after we stopped talking I didn't keep tabs on him. I was surprised he stayed in, but I guess that was what was best for him to do. And that was that. Slowly he started calling me more and more and this time around we both talked equally as much and around my third year in university, so after a year of talking on the phone again, Shiro told me he was getting relocated from Japan-I guess he moved there from California at some point- to North Carolina. He asked if I'd like to visit him because he was going to be home for Christmas, and just like before, I could never tell him no so of course I said yes. When I called up his mom to see if I could go with her to the airport to get him she was so happy to hear from me because I hadn't spoken to here in years either. Not because I hated her because of Shiro or anything, I just stopped visiting. But let me tell you, it felt like finally, fucking finally, everything had fallen into place when I saw Shiro again. I was so nervous to see him after four years that I went to nervous pee, and when I came out of the bathroom I saw him hugging his mom and I had to stop and breath for a moment. As he let go of his mom she must have said I was there too because he looked toward the bathrooms and when he saw me standing there only few steps outside of the bathroom frozen still staring at him he seemed just as dazed as I was. He broke his daze first though and quickly made his way over to me with the biggest smile on his face. I forgot how strong he was but his bear hug certainly reminded me. I missed him so much. So fucking much. I literally melted into his hug. Shiro released me just enough to look at me and with the biggest fucking grin said 'yup. I definitely still love you.' I couldn't help myself. I had to kiss him. No matter whatever happened between us, I would always love him. That was probably the best Christmas I had to date. So after the holidays and everything Shiro left for North Carolina, and because he was close almost every weekend he'd drive up to Jersey and spent time with me and it was the most peaceful time of my life. We started going out again and things were different, he was careful to never pulled my hair too hard and we stopped doing anal and everything was just so good. We started looking at the stars again. The next year I graduated and got a degree in business management. That was almost two years ago now. I worked at an auto body shop throughout highschool and college so I was able to pay off my debt quickly. Plus Coran helped me some too. Not too long after my graduation Shiro proposed and I told him yes. The only condition I had was that we got married once he was out of the Marines. He agreed to that, but begged me to come live with him in North Carolina because he had an apartment, so I agreed. We had our hearts set on him getting out of the Marines after twelve years and we'd get married then. So I moved out there and he helped me buy a place to open an auto body shop, and everything was going so well. Then... then he had to go on this fucking deployment. And that's where we are now. At the end of the story," Keith closed his eyes trying to fight back the tears. "And here I am looking at the stars without him."That was more of a whisper to himself than to Lance. 


	4. Chapter 4

Keith looked up at the sky again while pushing back tears before looking back at Lance. Lance just sat there, extremely quiet. He seemed to be contemplating something or other before he moved in and hugged Keith. Keith was somewhat resistant.   
"You poor boy. C'mon, take the hug. You definitely need it. Close to two hours of pouring your heart out you need it," Lance hugged Keith a little tighter and Keith could feel a slight scratch on the top of his forehead. After a moment he realized Lance had a little stubble on his chin and he tried to get his away from Lance.   
"Shave your face," Keith was able to pull away and Lance rubbed his chin and laughed.   
"It has been some time since I last shaved," Lance smiled at Keith and Keith looked at Lance sullenly. "Okay, you need to stop facing Shiro's headstone. Turn to face me," Lance demanded. Keith rolled his eyes but obliged. Lance sat and studied Keith for a moment.   
"Alright, so I know you barely know me, but how about I drive you back to your place in North Carolina? You look like you could use some sleep buddy," Lance's voice was laced with concern that Keith couldn't wrap his head around. This was the first time they ever met, but Lance seemed genuinely concerned for him.   
"I got here on my bike. Thanks for the offer but I'll head out on my own. I can't leave my baby here," Keith answered. Lance smiled.   
"Well then, how wonderful is it that I own a truck then?" Lance smirked at Keith. "Oh, and I live on the base down there so what do ya say? Keep me company on the ride back?" Lance asked clearly hopeful. His eyes shimmered like the night sky and Keith stared into the stars he thought he saw in Lance's eyes. He couldn't help but think how similar Lance's eyes were to Shiro’s. Not in color or shape, but how they both shined so brightly as if someone placed stars into their eyes. Keith sighed.   
"Sure, let's go strap my bike up," Keith stated. Lance stood to his feet at Keith's answer and stretched his hand out to Keith.   
"Awesome. Let's go," Lance kept his hand outstretched waiting for Keith to grab it. "C'mon Keith, let me help you up," Lance said still waiting. Keith finally took the offered hand. "Don't forget your drink," Lance shook his drink in his opposite hand. Keith grabbed his Monster off the ground and followed Lance. The ride back to North Carolina was long, but Keith was knocked out for the majority of the ride and Lance was left to decide if when Keith woke up he would give him the letter.   
He decided against it.   
It was morning by the time they got to Keith's apartment. When Keith woke up Lance noticed he seemed awkward and closed off and Keith didn't speak much to him. Getting Keith's bike off the back was silent work, and Keith was about to go inside the garage with saying nothing more than a simple goodbye. Lance was having none of that. Despite Keith not knowing him, Lance felt a sort of responsibility to him because he knew so much about Keith through Shiro and he felt like he needed to be sure Keith was okay- for his sake and Shiro's.   
"Hey, before you go, can I have your number?" Lance asked as best he could without sounding creepy. Keith hesitated. "I was just thinking, since you don't have friends out here, and since Shiro is... ya know... and you don't have family out here, I was just thinking, maybe, we could be, like... friends maybe?" Lance rambled trying to explain himself. Keith stood quietly for a moment and considered his proposition. After a moments consideration Keith told Lance his number and the two parted ways.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks passed by before Lance called Keith and asked if they could meet up. It took some convincing, but Lance was able to get Keith to agree to meet him for coffee at a nearby Starbucks. So Lance was standing outside the Starbucks patiently waiting for Keith to arrive. He was whistling with his eyes closed when he heard the distinct sound of a motorcycle driving into the parking lot. Lance opened his eyes and waved toward Keith to beckon him over.    
"Hey! How've you been buddy?" Lance beamed as he slung an arm over Keith's shoulder. Keith slinked out from under Lance's grasp like a cat avoiding being pet.    
"I've been fine. How about you," Keith answered while opening the door for Lance.   
"I hate my new staff sergeant, but besides that everything's been pretty good. Harry's been such a good boy too. He's been sitting with me again. Stupid thing got mad at me for like two weeks for falling in the bath! I don't know why he was testing fate by trying to drink the bath water, but it wasn't my fault he fell in," Lance said as the two stood in line. "Oh, what do you want? My treat. I'm trying to get more points on my card," Lance could easily jump from one topic to another. No transitions needed.   
"Uh, you sure?" Keith asked while squinting at the menu.   
"Yeah of course," Lance answered.   
"Alright. Then can you get me a large-" Keith started but Lance interrupted.   
"Venti."   
"One  _ large- _ " Keith restated.   
"Venti," Lance interrupted with a sing song voice.   
"I swear to god Lance. It's a fucking large, Starbucks just likes to make it more difficult than it needs to be. It's small medium large, not whatever they decided to suddenly make it. God I fucking-" Keith began to rant but Lance stopped him as he chuckled.   
"Okay, you want a  _ large  _ what?" Lance smiled down and Keith.   
"A large hot chocolate," Keith answered arms crossed. He was still fuming about the stupidity of changing the size names.   
"No coffee?" Lance asked a little confused.   
"Not a fan," Keith answered. Lance nodded and within a few minutes their drinks were ordered and they were sitting down sipping their drinks. It was awkward. Or at least it was for Lance. Keith seemed perfectly fine just sipping his hot chocolate looking out the window watching cars pass by as the sun set. Lance couldn't stand the silence between them.   
"So, do you still play the piano?" Lance asked.   
"How do you know that?" Keith responded confused.   
"Shiro told me," Lance answered.   
"Oh. Well yeah, I do," Keith answered. Short and sweet and to the point.   
"Do you still play a lot of Steven Universe music?" Lance prodded trying to keep the conversation alive.   
"Only because of Allura. I need to be sure when I go home I remember all those songs otherwise she'll kill me," Keith answered in a matter of fact tone.   
"I love Steven Universe," Lance commented.   
"Well, you'd get along with Allura just fine then," Keith replied. Silence arose again after that and Lance couldn't stand it. The last time he was with Keith he talked for hours, now it's like pulling teeth.   
"Why are you so quiet?" Lance asked slightly exasperated. Keith shrugged while looking at Lance and sipping his hot chocolate.    
"Okay, how's your business been?" Lance asked hoping it would spark Keith's interest.   
"Good," Keith answered. Lance threw his head back and melted in his chair. He sat like that for a few seconds before pulling himself back up into a normal sitting position.   
"Are you almost done your new bike?" Lance asked praying to every god that Keith would give him an answer longer than a word.   
"Yeah I am," Keith responded.  _ Not quite what I wanted, _ Lance complained in his head.    
"Do you mind if I bitch at you about my superiors?" Lance asked.   
"Go for it," with Keith's approval Lance went to town. Lance needed someone to bitch at about his higher ups, and since Keith didn't want to talk Lance took the opportunity. According to Shiro Keith was a great listener, and Lance learned first hand that he really was. Even though Keith constantly looked disinterested, he was always listening and asked questions where he needed clarification and he made comments on what was comment worthy and was oddly honest and told Lance when he was being over dramatic over certain issues. After about an hour of bitching and another hot chocolate Lance finally finished and silence came back to the two of them. Lance looked out the window and watched as the lights of the cars passed by for a moment before speaking.   
"Shiro was right. You're a really good listener," Lance turned to face Keith and smiled brightly.   
"Thanks," Keith answered. Lance noticed how Keith turned slightly red at the compliment.    
"You do blush when you're given a compliment!" Lance beamed pointing at Keith who immediately scowled.   
"I do not!" Keith retorted.   
"I'd beg to differ," Lance stated smugly.   
"Then fucking differ piss ant," Keith growled. "I do not blush," he grumbled under his breath. Lance smirked as Keith sipped away at his hot chocolate. Soon after the two parted ways and Lance had decided he was going to become Keith's best friend.    
So the next few weeks were a mix of Lance randomly showing up at Keith's apartment and forcing him to come on a ride in his truck or convincing him to come to Starbucks so he can bitch about something or other or persuading Keith to come on a walk in the park with him and a few times, when Keith wouldn't answer him, Lance would show up at Keith's shop and wait for him to close because Keith worked later than him and Lance would make him go over to the nearby McDonalds with him and have dinner together. As much as Keith would protest, Lance could see clearly in Keith's face that he was glad he agreed to the outings most of the time. Having no one you knew around must be lonely, and Keith could make believe that he was fine with it, but Lance knew that wasn't the case based on Keith's behavior and on what Shiro had told him of Keith. For example, one day Keith went to the bathroom when they were having a McDonald's dinner and he left his Iphone on and unlocked on the table. Lance couldn't resist taking a sneak peak at his phone and he first noticed the sixteen missed calls on the bottom left corner of his phone. When he clicked the green icon he saw that Pidge had called four times, Hunk called three, Allura called five times and Coran called four times too. He wasn't able to look any further because Keith had pulled the item out of his hands and called him a prick. Add on that Shiro told Lance that Keith had a bad habit of pushing people away when upset Lance was pretty sure that Keith wasn't doing so great, so he forced friendly human interaction on him. After two months of pushing human interactions upon Keith, Keith actually called Lance up first and he wanted to star gaze. Lance couldn't let up this opportunity so he cut his skin routine short and drove like a bat out of hell to the park the two had been going to for a few weeks. Lance whipped into the parking lot that was empty since it was nearly midnight and drove toward the parking spots that faced the open field. Lance saw Keith taking his helmet off and he honked at Keith which made him jump.   
"The fuck fucker?" Keith yelled at Lance.   
"Language!" Lance laughed out his window as he parked next to Keith.   
"English," Keith growled.   
"Oh, I thought that was French," Lance responded as he shut his engine off and got out of his truck. "So how is my favorite person doing today?" Lance asked. He grabbed Keith and hugged him, and as usual Keith removed himself from his grasp.   
"Had to deal with some assholes today at work that kept fighting with me about the color his car came out to be. He told me he wanted it red, he picked the red he wanted, and when he saw his car he said he hated it and it was a nightmare to deal with him," Keith complained. "Anyways, you said you have blankets?" Keith asked pointing to the truck.   
"Yes I do. Actually," Lance looked at his truck then back at Keith, "Get in my truck real quick."   
"Why?" Keith questioned hesitantly.   
"Do I need to throw you in?" Lance retorted.   
"I dare you," Keith challenged.   
"Okay," Lance shrugged and took the challenge. Lance grabbed Keith by the waist and threw him over his shoulder with ease. "Upsy daisy!" Lance said as Keith settled onto his shoulder.   
"You have the pointiest shoulders on earth," Keith said as he tried to squirm out of Lance's grip.    
"Struggle all you want. You won't win," Lance said which only made the squirming worse and he earned himself a kick to the face. "Oh! That was my face asshole," Lance said as he manhandled Keith's legs down. Lance walked over to the other side of his truck, quickly opened the passenger side door, and threw Keith in. "Got cha." Lance walked over to his side and turned his car back on.   
"So where are we going?" Keith asked.   
"Onto the field," Lance replied and he drove over the parking cement bumper.    
"Did you just drive over the cement thing?" Keith asked surprised.   
"Yes I did. It was in my way," Lance answered as he drove into the center of the field.   
"That fucks up cars ya know?" Keith asked.   
"It's fine. Don't worry about it," Lance shrugged and parked. "Alright, stay right there. I'll tell you when you can come out," Lance said to Keith. Lance began to pull out a plethora of blankets and pillows from the back of his truck to the bed of his truck. After taking five minutes to set up the back properly he beckoned for Keith to get out. "Wala!" Lance said very proud of his creation. There were two blue comforters placed on the bottom of the bed, two huge white body pillows were placed near the front of the bed and three furry black blankets were set aside.    
"Comfy. Can I get in?" Keith asked. Lance glanced at Keith and he could see the smile on Keith's face and he felt so happy to have made the guy smile.   
"Yes my prince," Lance said with a reverent bow. Keith crawled into the makeshift bed and laid down, head on a pillow, and he pulled the furry blankets on top of himself. Lance followed right after and laid to Keith's right.   
"You wanna share those blankets?" Lance asked. Keith lifted up the blankets for Lance to get under. "So, do you know any of these constellation?" Lance questioned while gazing at the stars not knowing the difference between them but enjoying the sky nonetheless.   
"Not a clue. I just... I just haven't done this for a while. It was something I really loved to do, but it's not something I like to do alone," Keith answered quietly. He was staring at the sky the same as Lance- confused but content.   
"Let's make them up then," Lance suggested.   
"Make what up?"    
"The constellations. Like... okay, you see that kinda bright star between those two really bright stars and the three stars that are really bright but not as bright as the stars over there?" Lance asked as if that was easy to follow. "That looks like a fish. Oh! And over there, where there's those four normally bright stars in the shape of a square?" Lance pointed in a nondescript location in the sky and Keith looked at Lance confused. "Don't look at me, look up," Lance took his other hand and gently pushed Keith’svface toward the sky. "That one looks like a waffle. And there-"   
"Please stop. And never get a job in astronomy while your at it," Keith begged while pushing Lance's arm down from pointing at the sky. "Just be quiet and enjoy the stars okay?" Keith asked. Lance hummed in agreement. It was peaceful in those silent minutes. The bugs surrounding the woods of the park buzzed loudly as the spring wind rustled the leaves and brought the smell of grass toward the boys. As the boys breathed softly the stars twinkled and filled the night sky with pictures they couldn't see but still enjoyed. Lance was unsure how much time passed before he heard a quiet sniffle. He peered over and saw silent tears trailing down the side of Keith's face.   
"Keith buddy, are you okay? What's wrong?" Lance turned on his side to look at Keith better.   
"I'm fine. It's nothing," Keith choked out.   
"Clearly it's not nothing. What's wrong?" Lance prodded again. Keith sighed.   
"I... I was able to find the north star," Keith answered as tears continued to spill from his eye. Lance wasn't the best with verbal comforting, so he opted to hug Keith instead. Lance flipped Keith so that Keith was buried in his chest and Lance was laying on his back hugging Keith and Keith didn't try to move away. Lance began to stroke Keith's hair as he cried and they sat there like that for some time before Keith spoke up.   
"Thank you," Keith sniffled.   
"Hey, no problem. Anytime buddy," Lance said smiling down at the back of Keith's head.   
"No, seriously," Keith lifted his head up to look at Lance. "It means a lot to me that you've been making me have more of a life outside of working. It means a lot to me that you deal with me when I'm emotional compromised and turn into a little baby bitch like now and it means a lot when you deal with me when I'm closed off and barely speak a few sentences. I don't understand why, but thanks," and with that Keith, for the first time, hugged Lance. Lance's heart melted at the action.  _ This is the sweet Keith Shiro always talked about, _ Lance thought as he hugged Keith back.   
"I made it one of my life goals to be your best friend. Have I achieved that yet?" Lance asked as he stroked Keith's back.   
"Maybe," Keith mumbled into Lance's chest. Lance started petting Keith's hair because Shiro always talked about how Keith loved his hair to be touched.   
"How about now?" Lance asked. Keith literally purred.   
"Now it's a solid maybe," Keith responded. Lance chuckled and kept stroking Keith's soft hair while staring up at the sky wondering what Shiro might be thinking if he saw the pair right now. Lance hoped that Shiro would be happy. Somewhere between the quiet of the sky and the rustling leaves the two boys fell asleep soundly. They were rudely awakened around six a.m. by the sprinklers soaking them and they parted ways laughing.


	6. Chapter 6

After this incident Keith began to call Lance more frequently and ask to do things whenever they could find the time. At first it was only to watch the stars but as the weeks passed by Keith asked Lance if he wanted to go to the beach a few times, Keith wanted to see a few movies so they saw them together, and when the carnival came Keith told Lance they should go and despite his fear of clowns Lance agreed (Lance was pretty proud of himself, he only cried three times when a clown got within two meters of him). Lance still initiated most of their interactions though, and one of those interactions had been to a party at the barracks. Keith was wary at first because he hadn't drank since he was about twenty but Lance was nothing if not convincing and so there they were at the end of the summer in the barracks ready for a night of drinking. There was maybe fifteen of them altogether outside on the top floor of the barracks and the late summer night breeze felt cooling and promising. Lance and Keith had been there for about twenty minutes and Lance noticed that after initially introducing Keith to some people, Keith just slid into the shadows with a half drank corona and Lance was having none of that. So Lance finished up the conversation he was having with a half drunk buddy and walked over to Keith who was standing quietly on the railing watching some guys play beer pong. Lance leaned up against the railing to Keith's left.   
"So how are you liking this so far?" Lance asked as he drank his bud light.   
"It's fine I guess," Keith answered. It was clear to Lance Keith wasn't having fun by that response. They stood there quietly watching the beer pong game for a few minutes before Lance told everyone around them, "me and this guy right here call next game." An audible sigh from everyone around them could be heard. Keith looked horrified.   
"Lance!" Keith quietly screamed. "I can't play beer pong in front of all these people. I fucking suck and don't want to embarass myself! The fuck are you thinking?" Keith asked clearly very angry. Lance threw his arm around Keith's shoulder and shot him the biggest smile.   
"You don't need to worry about that buddy. Trust me okay?" Lance whispered confidently. Keith sighed.   
"Okay." They stood there for a few more minutes watching as cups were removed and rearranged and soon enough a winner emerged and it was their turn.   
"Hey, can someone get me and my buddy two more beers?" Lance asked as he placed the red solo cups back into a triangle. Someone Keith didn't know brought them both a yingling and they were ready to go. Keith was nervous and he missed his first shot while Lance made his but both the guys on the other team missed to, so Keith and Lance got to go first.    
"You ready for an ass whooping?" Lance said as he made his shot like a basketball player and made it. Lance put his hand up for an enthusiastic high five from Keith. Keith looked confused. Lance took Keith's hand and gave himself a high five with Keith's hand. "Your turn buddy. Try your best," Lance patted Keith on the back. Keith tried his best, but failed. Miserably. The ball fell from where they were to the rocks on the ground. Keith wanted to die from embarrassment because everyone was groaning because it is the hardest thing to retrieve balls that fall into the rocks, but Lance volunteered to search for the ball and within a minute he was bounding up the stairs ball in hand.   
"Found it," Lance said and threw the ball at their opponents.   
"How'd you find it so quickly?" Keith asked quietly to to Lance.   
"A guy has his ways," Lance said with a smirk. "Now wave your hands over the cups. It fucks with their heads," Lance stated while poking Keith's temple. Right after poking Keith, Lance started aggressively waving his hands over the cups. "Applebees! Olive Garden! Red Lobster!" Lance shout as each person shot and missed. "You guys ain't shit. I'm the shit. Now watch the master sharpshooter," Lance said cocky as ever. He made another cup. Then it was Keith's turn and he missed and hit the one of the guys in the forehead.    
"Close," Lance said as he patted Keith on the back and then went to waving his hand in front of the cups. One of the guys made it. "Alright, you drink Keith. Until you make a shot you drink," Lance handed him his beer with a smile. Keith drank reluctantly unable to say no to such a grin. Lance shot again and made it and Keith missed again and hit the other guy in the dick.   
"Ohh, dick shot!" Lance shouted way to loud for Keith's liking. Keith was never a fan of parties and hated being the center of attention so this was just awful.   
"I hate when you speak," Keith growled at Lance as Lance was waving his hands over their cups. Both guys made it.   
"Drink Keith," Lance smirked at Keith.   
"For fuck's sake," Keith mumbled as he drank. The guys missed their second shot and the game continued. Lance had made ever shot, Keith missed every shot, and their opponents had varied. Finally there was one cup left and Lance somehow missed it. Everyone watching gasped but Lance didn't look the slightest bit surprised. Lance got behind Keith and began to massage his shoulders like he was about to go into a boxing ring.    
"Alright Keith, you got this. Breath and aim. I know you can do it. C'mon, these guys are trash. Just shoot and score like in basketball," Lance whispered.   
"I never played basketball," Keith deadpanned.   
"No matter. You can do this, I believe in you!" Lance whispered. He released Keith and let him get ready to shoot. Keith took a deep breath in, aimed, and breathed out as he shot.    
Keith missed, but the ball hit the cup and was still on the table so Keith quickly swiped his hand forward and grabbed the ball.    
"Alright. Well now we pray," Lance said to Keith. So now Keith had to do a trick shot. Keith quickly took in his surroundings and decided he'd bounce the ball off the bottom of the roof.  _ Here goes nothin _ g, Keith thought as he tossed the ball up toward the bottom of the roof. The ball made a slight ting sound as it hit the metal of the roof and by some miracle Keith made the shot. Keith looked over to Lance who looked just as shocked as he was. Lance looked at Keith after the surprise passed and Lance had the biggest smile on his face. He took a step toward Keith and threw his right arm around Keith's waist. "Hasta la later losers. Next losers come on up," Lance shouted. "Great job buddy," Lance said to Keith.    
"Thanks," Keith began to say while removing Lance's hand, "but I think I'm done with beer pong for now. I'd rather watch now okay?" Keith stated.   
"Alright bud. I just wanted to make sure you were having a good time," Lance complied. Keith gave Lance a small smile.   
"It was fun," Keith whispered to Lance. "Thanks," Keith said after a moment. Then Keith went back to where he was originally standing. Lance was able to get another partner with ease and Keith happily watched while he drank the first corona that he never got the chance to finish. A game or two went by and Keith figured out that Lance had impeccable aim. He didn't miss a single shot. It was amazing to watch but must have been frustrating to play against. Somewhere between Lance's third game and Keith's third beer a guy came over and stood next to him and began to speak.   
"Hey there. You're the guy who made that trick shot early right?" the guy asked. He was clearly drunk by the slowness of his speech and the way he swayed slightly. Keith tried to ignore him but the guy continued.   
"Of course you are. That jacket you're wearing is hard to mistake even drunk," the guy chuckled.    
"At least you're self aware," Keith said under his breath as he took another swig from his drink.   
"I am nothing if not that," the guy laughed as he patted Keith on the back. The guy looked down at Keith and smiled. "I'm Matt."   
"I'm going to go over there," Keith stated while pointing to the other railing opposite them.   
"No no no no no no no. Come with me!" Matt said as he tried to pull Keith by his his arm. Keith just stood there unamused and unmoving. After a solid minute of trying to move Keith, Matt had to stop and catch his breath. Lance looked over at Keith as Matt went back to trying to pull Keith along. Lance mouthed to Keith to go with him. Then a beat later Lance mouthed to Keith to have fun. So Keith relented and followed Matt into one of the rooms. There was four other people drinking in the bedroom and they were all laughing and having a good time. Matt lead Keith to sit on the bed. Despite Keith feeling extremely uncomfortable he just kept quiet and sat there in a room with people he didn't know because Lance told him to "have fun". Suddenly Matt threw his arm around Keith and he started boasting about how Keith made some crazy trick shot earlier. Keith wanted to remove Matt from him, but getting praised felt nice so he decided to let it happen.    
"Drink this," Matt said as he pulled an entire bottle of jack Daniels from a bag on the floor. Keith was about to protest but Matt continued to talk. "Here. I'll hold it and help. When you're done let me know," Matt smiled and brought the alcohol to Keith's lips _. I guess I'm doing this _ , Keith thought as he drank. It burned as it went down his throat, and Keith swore he heard Matt say oh my god, and after what was probably four shots he tapped Matt to stop. A second later a red bull was in Keith's hand and he was drinking it like his life depended on it.  _ Oh god I regret my decision, _ Keith thought as he gave Matt the empty can. "That was awesome man!" Matt yelled.   
"It was nothing," Keith said with a wave of his hand. Not even ten minutes later did Keith realize his mistake. He could feel his body grow sluggish and his vision felt slow and blurred. When Matt would throw his arm around him he felt himself lean into him. But the most obvious change Keith felt that indicated he was fucked up was that he felt warm and comfortable around people he didn't know. At some point someone had said something about how Matt should give someone a kiss and Keith felt lips on his right temple and everyone laughed and Keith giggled. Then someone else said to kiss him on the lips and so Matt grabbed the back of Keith's head with his left hand and dramatically kissed him on the lips. Someone else screamed to add some tongue and the kiss deeped from a joke to an actual make out. Keith could somewhat discern some whoops and wahoo's but for the most part he was getting into the kiss because he hasn't kissed someone in so long and he missed the feeling. Keith felt his head get pulled away from Matt and he was greeted with a furious Lance.   
"Come with me," Lance hissed at Matt. Lance grabbed Matt by the arm and dragged him outside as everybody said "Ooooooooooo" like a bunch of children. Keith pushed himself back on the bed and leaned against the wall and just sat enjoying the atmosphere. Keith was unsure how much time passed, but Lance came back inside without Matt. Lance walked to Keith and he placed his hands out.   
"C'mon buddy, I think it's time to head back okay," Lance said as he grabbed Keith from under his armpits and dragged him off the bed as gently as he could. "Can you walk?" Lance asked as he brought Keith to his feet. Keith swayed and fell back on the bed. Keith giggled.   
"Nope," Keith answered with a huge smile.   
"Alright here we go. Upsy daisy," Lance said as he picked him up bridal style. "Wrap your arms around my neck."   
"Okay," Keith said while cuddling into Lance's neck. Lance made his way outside where he told everyone goodnight and that he'd see them all later and Keith just absently waved goodbye.    
"What did you drink?" Lance asked as he bounded down the stairs.   
"Jack," Keith mumbled.   
"How much?" Lance questioned.   
"An amount," Keith answered. "You can put me down now," Keith said.   
"As you wish," Lance answered placing Keith on his feet after they got down from the stairs. Keith waivered and nearly fell but Lance threw his arm around Keith's waist. "I got ya buddy."   
"Thanks," Keith said. They slowly made their way to the front gate and the entire time Keith was humming. After the pair passed the guards and walked the extra few block to Lance's apartment complex Lance finally asked Keith what that song was that he was singing.   
"It's over isn't it," Keith replied nearly tripping over himself. Lance caught him. "It's from Steven Universe. I like that song," Keith stated. Lance laughed.   
"You are  _ really _ drunk. That sounded nothing like that song," Lance said as he sat Keith down on a bench outside the complex. Lance squatted in front of Keith and moved Keith's hair out of his face.    
"Why aren't you super drunk?" Keith said while pointing at Lance.   
"Because I never lose in beer pong. I've maybe had three beers," Lance chuckled while he gently ran his fingers through Keith's hair.   
"Oh. Okay," Keith responded. Lance's face turned to concern.   
"Are you alright Keith?" Lance asked. Keith laughed hysterically which made Lance confused.   
"I haven't been alright for a while," Keith giggled and smiled.   
"Why are you smiling then?" Lance asked concerned.   
"Because I don't want to cry," Keith answered. They sat quietly like that for some time. Lance was trying to find the right words before speaking.   
"Why did you kiss Matt?" Lance finally asked.   
"Well, he kissed me, but I let it happen because I missed kissing. I like kissing, and ever since Shiro left I haven't been kissed," Keith said between laughs. Lance sighed.   
"I'll call you an Uber so you can go home okay?" Lance said.   
"That apartment isn't home," Keith whispered. He stopped laughing and looked down.    
"Do you want to stay at my place then?" Lance asked as he kept stroking Keith's hair. Keith nodded his head in agreement.   
"Alright, let's head up then," Lance said as he grabbed Keith's hand and pulled him up. They made their way to Lance's apartment and Lance went and laid Keith down on his bed. Lance kneeled next to Keith.   
"Do you want anything to eat?" Lance asked.   
"Do you have any bread foods," Keith asked.   
"Bagel good?" Lance asked as he stood.   
"Toasted with butter?" Keith replied.   
"Of course," Lance responded. Three minutes later Lance was back with a toasted bagel with butter and a glass of water.    
"You're too good to me," Keith said as he clumsily ate his bagel. Lance sat down at the foot of the bed.   
"No I'm not. If anything, I don't treat you well enough," Lance stated while patting Keith's ankle. Keith munched on the bagel and took a sip of water before speaking.   
"Thank you," Keith placed the bagel on the bedside table and leaned forward to hug Lance on his own accord for the second time. Lance hugged him back tightly. After a few minutes Keith let go and laid back down.   
"You comfy?" Lance asked. Keith hummed back in agreement. "Maybe you want to get under some covers?"   
"Maybe later," Keith answered. "Come pet my hair," Keith demanded as he slowly fell asleep.   
"Anything for you buddy," Lance chuckled. Keith was laying on the outside of the bed so Lance placed himself on the inside of the bed and began to pet Keith's hair. Keith's small smile made Lance's heart skip a beat. Lance had every intention of sleeping on the couch after Keith fell asleep, but sometimes things turn out differently than planned.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Lance woke up to an empty bed. He walked out to his living room and found Keith sitting on the couch watching What Not To Wear and drinking water. Lance snuck up behind Keith.   
"Water is the alcohol of life," Lance said into Keith's ear. Keith flinched, closed his eyes, and grabbed the bridge of his nose.   
"Can you shut the fuck up please," Keith stated.    
"Does my little Keith have a hang over," Lance cooed in Keith's ear.   
"You're about to have my foot up your ass," Keith whipped around to glare at Lance. Lance backed away, hands in the air to show surrender. He made his way to the kitchen and began to make some breakfast for the two of them. Lance gave Keith a plate of eggs and toast and the two watched the show. Lance finally spoke up about something that had been bothering him for a while.   
"Have you ever thought about going to therapy?" Lance asked. He mentally prepared himself for being yelled at for asking that but Keith just sighed.   
"Why do you asked?" Keith said instead of yelling.   
"You said last night when I asked if you were alright that you really haven't been, and I just thought therapy might help you," Lance said.Keith sighed again.   
"I've thought about it a few times, but I never got around to actually doing it," Keith spoke sullenly.    
"I'll help you if you want. Get that therapy stuff going and whatever," Lance said. Then he added, "I want you to feel better and you've been through so much and I don't know how to help with all that. I'm good for hugs and listening, but a pro can help you so much more."    
Keith chuckled. "You really are too good to me," Keith sighed for the third time. "I think I'll take you up on that offer though."


	8. Chapter 8

Soon, after much help from Lance, Keith found himself going to therapy once a week. The duo still hung out as normal but now Lance was also constantly making sure Keith went to his therapy sessions and was making sure Keith took his antidepressants as prescribed. After four months of this Keith was beginning to feel much better than he used to. He started talking to Pidge, Hunk, Allura, and Coran more regularly. Keith began to enjoy playing the piano again too. Not to mention he finally finished the bike he'd been working on which he should have finished months ago but he just didn't have the motivation. This finished project was actually the reason for Keith calling up Lance.   
"Hey. I just wanted to know if you wanted to come on a ride with me. I just finished my motorcycle and wanted to show it to you," Keith said.   
"For sure! Want me to drive to your place or?" Lance asked.   
"I'll come to you. Be there soon," and with that Keith hung up and rode to Lance's apartment. Lance was sitting at the bench that Keith had been in months ago when Keith rolled up. Keith tossed him the extra helmet he had.   
"Let's go loser," Keith shouted.   
"It's so beautiful!" Lance exclaimed as he walked over. Keith had built his own Kawasaki ninja sports bike and it had this beautiful cherry red color that glistened under the streetlights.   
"I made it myself, I'd hope she'd be beautiful," Keith replied. Lance hopped on the back of the bike and they went flying off into the distance. It was cold outside since it was early December but the icy air felt freeing on their skin. They drove for an hour with Keith going a solid eighty at all times until finally they made their way to the park. Keith parked his bike and pulled his helmet off.   
"Let's look at the stars tonight," Keith said. Lance took his helmet off.   
"But it's freezing," Lance retorted.   
"So what? Come on, it'll be fun," Keith stated it as if it were fact. Lance couldn't say no.   
"Alright, let's go lay on the cold wet grass," Lance said. Keith smiled and walked down to the center of the field with Lance close behind. They both plopped onto the ground and gazed at the sky. "Know any constellations yet?" Lance asked.   
"I only know where Perseus is and he's right over there," Keith pointed in a direction but Lance couldn't find it.   
"One day I might see it," Lance laughed. They sat in comfortable silence after that. The night sky was the perfect balance of light and dark and the pair were enjoying the sky for what it was. Eventually Lance broke the silence.   
"Will you be okay?" Lance asked. Keith took a deep breath.   
"Yeah, I will be. It'll suck, but I'll be fine. Just come home safe okay?" Keith said. The he turned on his side to face Lance and spoke very seriously. "Don't be a hero."   
Lance mimicked Keith's position. "You know I can't promise that," Lance said sadly. Keith looked down at the ground.   
"I know," Keith whispered before suddenly grabbing Lance and hugging him as tightly as he could. "But I have to tell you anyways," Keith mumbled into Lance's neck. Lance could feel the tears hit his neck and he hugged Keith back just as tightly.    
"I'll pray to God that I come home safely," Lance said quietly.   
"I thought you didn't believe in God?" Keith choked out.   
"What I said was that it depends on the day. Today I believe. Ask me again tomorrow, maybe it'll change," Lance said while stroking Keith's hair. Lance took his unoccupied hand and checked his pocket to see if that note was still there, and it was, but he decided against giving it to Keith again.   
They sat like that for some time, Keith laying on Lance while Lance played with his hair, and they stayed like that until they both couldn't feel their feet anymore.   
When they left there was no laughter.


	9. Chapter 9

Two months passed and there were more drives and McDonald's dinners, there were more star gazing nights and walks in the park, there were more therapy sessions that Lance had to remind Keith to go to and more medication that had to be taken, and there were more sleepovers at Lance's house and hangovers to be dealt with. Then came the night before Lance had to leave for another six months.    
"This is my last deployment at least," Lance said to Keith as he was packing up his last bag.   
"How long have you been in?" Keith asked as he flipped through the movies on the T.V.   
"Soon to be eight years and then I'm out," Lance said as he plopped down on the couch next to Keith. Lance threw his right arm around Keith's shoulders and pulled him into a side hug. "I'll be back before you know it!" Lance smiled at Keith, but Keith looked like he was about to cry. Lance kissed the top of Keith's head. "I know it sucks, but I'll try to call and text you as much as I can. Now let's watch some movies. I've got twelve hours before I need to be there," Lance said. Keith laid down on Lance's lap and put on the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.    
Twelve hours passed and Keith and Lance were sitting outside Lance's truck on the curb waiting for the buses to show up.   
"Don't forget to go to your therapy stuff alright? Oh, and don't forget to take your medication either okay?" Lance said. His arm was around Keith and he rubbed Keith's arm in an attempt to comfort him.   
"I'm gunna miss you," Keith said.   
"I'm gunna miss you too buddy," Lance said squeezing Keith just a little bit tighter. The sun could be seen slowly creeping over the horizon. Deep shades of purple and blue and the slightest hint of pink peaked out and gradually removed the stars from the sky. Lance's phone vibrated and he reluctantly looked at it.    
"Well, it looks like it's time for me to go now," Lance stated the sadness clear in his voice. He released Keith and stood up with Keith mimicking his action.   
"You'll call me whenever you can?" Keith asked while he took one last good look at Lance's face. Underneath the street lights yellow hue Lance's skin glowed a soft tender brown. His hair was still a thick short mess of chocolate and his blue eyes still held galaxies Keith wanted to explore. He still had a beautiful warm radiance about him that was ever so calming for Keith. Lance looked back at Keith with his galaxy eyes and smiled a tight sad line while pulling Keith in for one last hug.   
"Of course," Lance mumbled into Keith's hair. Lance pulled away and now it was his turn for one last good look. He was going to miss those stormy eyes, that fluffy tuft of black hair: his porcelain white skin, his perfect pout. Lance was going to miss Keith far more than he thought. "I have to go now," Lance said as he threw his bags on his back.   
"Bye Lance."   
"Bye buddy."


	10. Chapter 10

The six months felt exactly like how six months feel. For Keith it didn't go by fast and it didn't go by slow. It simply went by twenty four hours a day for seven days a week for half of the year. After Lance left, everything became mundane again. Nothing particularly interesting happened on any day. Keith went to work, went home, took his medicine, and went to therapy. He talked to his friends and family back home a few times a week and he decided to get two cats because he finally felt stable enough to be able to care for other life forms. He enjoyed the infrequent calls and sporadic texts he got from Lance and Keith kept living his terribly boring but stable life.   
When Lance told him to come pick him up from the base late one Saturday at the tail end of August, Keith all but sprinted to the base. Not caring if he'd get pulled over for going seventy on a forty mile per hour road, Keith drove Lance's truck like a maniac. He made it to the front of the base in record time, and Lance was standing on the sidewalk outside the base waiting.   
"Hey!" Keith shouted to Lance as he pulled up next to him. "You walking or you working?" Keith smiled brightly and Lance returned the grin. Lance quickly threw his bags in the back of the truck before walking toward the driver side of the car.   
"Depends on who's asking," Lance remarked. "Now get out and let me drive," Lance said.   
"Bit me. Get in the passenger side," Keith pointed toward the open passenger seat. Lance smirked mischievously but did as he was told. Keith started to drive toward Lance's apartment. "Glad to be back?" Keith asked. "You look ripped," Keith stated as he playfully jabbed Lance in the arm with his right hand. Lance grabbed Keith's hand and pulled it towards his mouth so he could gently bite Keith's pinky. Keith quickly pulled back his hand and put it on the center console. "Fucking prick. What was that for?"   
"Well, to comment on all your questions and statements in order, one: I am glad to be back, two: there's nothing else to do except work out on deployments but thanks for noticing, and three: you told me to bite you. I didn't know you were into that sort of kinky stuff," Lance chuckled as they drove through the underground parking garage and found Lance's spot. Keith parked and got out of the truck and Lance came running around the truck and barreled into Keith consuming him in a huge back breaking bearhug in which Keith couldn't even properly return the hug since jis arms were pinned to his sides.   
"Alright Jason Momoa, let me go," Keith squeaked out.   
"You hate me," Lance fake whined as he released Keith. Keith smiled fondly at Lance's puppy dog eyes.   
"Only on Saturdays," Keith said as he wrapped his arms around Lance's waist. Lance hugged Keith back and nuzzled his hair before suddenly stopping, pulling back slightly, and staring at Keith.   
"Today's Saturday!" Lance exclaimed.    
"That's unfortunate," Keith smirked as he let go of Lance and went to the back and grabbed one of his bags.   
"You're breaking my heart Keith," Lance whined as he grabbed the rest.   
"Yeah yeah. Let's go," Keith said as he made his way to the elevator with Lance right behind him. They got up to Lance's room in no time and Lance was flopping on his bed almost as soon as he walked through his front door.   
"Oh bed how I've missed you," Lance dramatically shouted while loudly kissing it. Keith rolled his eyes and walked into Lance's bedroom and leaned on the door frame.   
"You're still just as weird as you were before you left," Keith shook his head as he spoke. Lance got up from his bed and walked over to Keith.   
"Don't worry. I missed you more," Lance planted a small kiss on the top of Keith's forehead then he wrapped his arms around the top of Keith's shoulder and pulled Keith's head into his neck. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance's waist and snuggled into his neck. "I missed you a lot more," Lance whispered. Somewhere during that little confession Lance's heart began to race, his hands became sweaty, and he realized he didn't want to let Keith go. Lance tightened the hug just the tiniest bit. Keith released first.   
"So how does Dominos sound?" Keith asked.   
"Get five pizzas. I'm starving," Lance replied.   
Somehow the two were able to eat five pizzas and two liters of Sprite and by midnight were basically in food coma while watching Family guy.   
"So how are your cats doing?" Lance asked slumped on the couch.   
"My little white one's a rat and my black one's a dog I've decided," Keith replied equally as slumped on the couch beside Lance.   
"Have you ever met my cat?" Lance asked while lolling his head to look at Keith. Keith tilted his head to look at Kance confused.   
"Since when have you had a cat?" Keith asked.   
"I've had her for years. She's with my sister right now, but she was with me up until a week before I left," Lance said. Keith looked even more confused.   
"How in the fuck haven't I seen the thing before then? I've been here  _ multiple _ times," Keith asked, brows furrowed.   
"Well, she likes to hide and sneak around. She's not much of a people cat ya know? Normally she'll be in the closet. I made that her special area. Her food and shit box are in there," Lance smiled. Keith rolled his eyes and turned back to look at the T.V.   
Another hour passed like that. The two sat at watched Family Guy reruns until Lance spoke up again.   
"I think it's bedtime," Lance yawned as he stretched his arms up and stood. Keith grabbed the clicker and shut the T.V. off.   
"Okay," Keith replied with his own yawn as he stretched out on the couch. Keith looked to be getting comfortable when Lance spoke up again.   
"You can sleep in my bed if you want," Lance stated while looking at Keith hopefully.    
"Okay," Keith replied. "It's more comfortable than the couch," Keith commented as he walked to the bedroom. Watching Keith walk into his bedroom made Lance's heart rate increase again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before walking into his bedroom. When Lance entered his room he saw Keith on the outside of the bed facing the wall and he was overwhelmed with nostalgia that he just reacted without any thought. Lance ran and jumped on top of Keith as he wrapped him up in a bear hug.   
"What the hell Lance! I thought you were tired," Keith quietly yelled as he pushed Lance away with both his arms and legs. Lance was laughing hysterically.   
"I couldn't help myself. I needed to hug you," Lance answered with a grin. "Now come here you big stupid and love me," Lance said outstretching his arms for a cuddle hug. Keith shook his head in slight amusement and slight annoyance but he relented and gave Lance a cuddle hug. Lance was so comfortable holding Keith close to his chest that he could have fallen asleep like that right there and then but he felt Keith slowly try and remove himself from the cuddles. "Don't leave me! Cuddle me," Lance childishly whined while tightening his grip on Keith.   
"Wouldn't that be weird?" Keith questioned.   
"Shh. It's only weird if you make it weird," Lance cooed while petting Keith's head.   
"Are you su-" Keith started.   
"It's only weird if you make it weird," Lance repeated slower this time. "If you're truly uncomfortable I'll let go, otherwise let's cuddle. You can be my cuddle buddy!" Lance exclaimed while loosening his grip on Keith allowing him the ability to leave if he wanted. Keith tensed for a moment, but seemed to settle into Lance's chest comfortably. As Lance was drifting off to sleep Keith piped up.   
"Are you really going to sleep in your cammies and boots?" Keith whispered.   
"Are you really going to sleep in your outside clothes and boots?" Lance whispered back.   
"Shut the fuck up," Keith groaned.   
"Well there's your answer," Lance commented. Lance fell asleep soon after.After returning home and seeing Keith again Lance knew he was fucked twelve ways to Sunday. He had the biggest most monumental crush on Keith, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship so he just acted as if his heart didn't beat a little faster everytime he brushed up against Keith; he ignored the fact that his hands become clammy whenever he pet Keith's hair; he pretended that he didn't crave for Keith to always be by his side. He decided he'd be the best friend Keith ever had, and he was, and in return Keith was the best friend Lance ever had.


	11. Chapter 11

Everything was going extremely well between the two of them. They soon were constantly around each other and they were both practically living in each other's apartments. Lance had at least half of his camis, a phone charger, a toothbrush, and duplicates of his own skin care products at Keith's place and Keith had almost all of his dvds, a second keyboard, and his favorite blanket over at Lance's. Being close to Keith all the time and having sleepovers nearly every night only helped solidify Lance's crush and slowly his like turned to love. Lance loved the way Keith would tell him to fuck off when he'd say something stupid, he loved how Keith's hair always fell into his eyes, he loved when Keith would play his keyboard when he thought Lance wasn't listening, and he loved the way Keith stared at the stars like they were the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. Lance loved Keith, but he knew he shouldn't. He didn't deserve to. Not after what had happened.    
Lance had this revelation one evening on his way home from work. The sun had already set because he was kept later than usual for work and Keith was waiting for him back at Lance's apartment. They had given each other a copy of their keys so they could come and go into each others spaces as they please. It was movie night and Keith was waiting for Lance to come back so they could start watching the first Lord of the Rings. As Lance drove his truck to his apartment rain started pouring down heavily. It wasn't terrible initially but after a few minutes of heavy rainfall his vision became blurry and driving down the road became much harder. The windshield wipers were doing close to nothing so Lance decided to pull over into the grass on the side of the road. He pulled out his phone.   
"Hey Keith," Lance said.   
"What's up? You on your way?" Keith asked. Lance could hear a flushing noise in the background.   
"Gross Keith. Going to the bathroom while on the phone. Wash your hands at least," Lance stated.   
"I'd rather not. So you back?" Keith asked.   
"I'm going to be later than I expected. The rain's pretty heavy right now and I can't see two feet in front of me. I'll call you when I'm on my way," Lance said. The rain started coming down harder and the pitter patter on the roof of his truck amplified.   
"Alright. Come back safe. See ya soon," Keith ended the call after that. Lance reclined his seat slightly and turned the radio up. Closing his eyes, Lance relaxed and enjoyed the calm. The ceaseless sound of rain against metal was soothing especially paired with the indie rock station he was listening to. The warmth of his truck perfectly juxtaposed the coolness of the window caused by the chill of the November air. Lance lazily thought about Keith and allowed himself to daydream about a life they could have together. They would own five cats a dog but no kids because Lance wanted all of Keith's attention to himself. They would move back to New Jersey and settle somewhere between their family's near the coast. Somewhere in Ocean view would be perfect. Keith would own another auto shop and Lance would help with what he could, otherwise he'd be a house husband and love it. Every night he'd greet Keith with a kiss hello and on Sundays they'd always get Wawa. They would fight, but no matter what they'd make up before bed, say 'I love you', and go to sleep knowing they loved each other because there was no guarantee that either of them woke up tomorrow. Lance smiled at the idea of a long happy life with Keith.    
The daydream was rudely interrupted by a loud crash, sharp pain, and the sound of a high pitch ringing in Lance's ear followed by the smell of gas.    
_ What the fuck just happened _ , Lance thought as he slowly opened his eyes. On his lap sat his airbag covered in glass. Lance was assaulted by a gust of cold wind and rain from his left where his window was completely shatter exposing him to the elements.    
"Ehn," Lance groaned as his left side became wet and cold.    
"Hey! Hey, are you okay?" some guy shouted. Lance lolled his head toward the shattered window.   
"Hm?" Lance groaned again. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness before he saw the guy standing there.    
"Are you okay?" the guy asked a second time.   
"Yeah. I just want to stand up," Lance said as he tried to open his car door. "Huh. That's weird. It won't open," Lance said confused as he weakly tried to open the door.   
"It's partly smashed in. Let me do it for you," the guy offered. Lance nodded in agreement and the guy went and forced the door open. As soon as it was open Lance weakly pulled his legs out from under the wheel and placed them on the rain soaked ground. The glass on his seat crunched as he moved to stand.   
"No, no, no. Sit," the guy said as he placed a hand on Lance's shoulder. Lance obliged since he was in a bit too much pain to protest. "I'm so sorry man. I called 911. They should be here soon," the guy said as he walked back to his SUV. Lance continued to sit half outside his truck and between the rain and the chilly air he soon felt frozen to the bone. The rain began to let up as soon as the ambulance showed up along with two cop cars. The guy who owned the huge SUV made his way to the paramedics and point in Lance's direction. One of the paramedics was a woman. She walked over to Lance and squatted in front of him.   
"Hey sweetie. How ya doing?" she asked.   
"I've felt better," Lance joked.   
"Well, to be safe we're gunna place this neck brace on you, put you on a stretcher, and get you to the hospital okay?" the woman said while beckoning the other paramedic over. Lance nodded. Within five minutes he was strapped up, in the ambulance, and on his way to the hospital. Lance stared at the ceiling and he could feel a dull ache take over his body.    
"God this hurts," Lance mumbled.    
"What was that," the girl paramedic asked.   
"Could you take my phone and call the guy named Keith in my phone?" Lance asked. The woman agreed and she was calling Keith a moment after.   
"Let him know where I'm going and that I'm alright please," Lance groaned. The woman nodded.   
"Hello? Is this Keith Kogane?" the woman asked and there was a pause. "Lance is heading to the hospital near the base in-" the woman paused again confused this time. "Hello?" the woman asked looking at the phone then to Lance. "He hung up."   
"Sounds about right. He'll probably get to the hospital before we get there," Lance chuckled. The rest of the ride was in silence and before he knew it he was being rolled into the emergency room where his clothes were taken, he was forced into what felt like a white napkin, and he was made to pee in a weird bucket thing. By the time he finished peeing he was finally able to assess the damage done. From what he could tell his left elbow was cut up and punctured but they weren't deep enough to warrant stitches and both his knees hurt, but his right knee was cut up and bleeding but it looked like all it needed was some gauze and it'd be fine. Overall, Lance didn't have any life altering wounds so he was happy. The aches would go away eventually.    
Keith finally came stalking toward him and he looked absolutely furious, but as Keith got closer that anger turned to concern and fear and by the time Keith got to Lance's bedside he looked like he was about to cry.   
"How do I look?" Lance joked. "I feel like a solid two bucks right now," Lance laughed. A single tear fell Keith's eye.   
Lance could only see so much of himself. For Keith, when he got that call he left the apartment as quickly as he could without hearing the rest of whatever that woman had to say. He heard hospital paired with Lance and was ready to go. So he hopped on his motorcycle and made his way to the hospital as quickly as he could so he could rip Lance a new one. No matter what happened he was angry and Lance for getting hurt and he needed to scream at him. Keith walked into that hospital with every intention to be angry at Lance, but when he saw Lance laying in that white bed in that shapeless white sheet with an iv in his arm Keith's anger melted to concern. When Keith got even closer he was able to see the weariness in Lance's body and he saw how pale Lance looked at that made Keith's stomach drop because Lance was never pale; his skin was always warm and full of life. Lance looked ghastly. Then, once Keith was beside Lance, seeing him laugh with blood stained teeth tore at his heart like nothing he'd ever felt before. When Keith looked at Lance he saw death, and there Lance sat laughing.   
"Don't joke around right now. This is serious," Keith said as he shakily grabbed Lance's hand.    
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," Lance smiled again.   
"Your teeth are covered in blood," Keith stated as another tear fell down his cheek.    
"Really?" Lance asked confused.   
"Yeah," Keith said while squeezing Lance's hand.   
"Hey buddy, I'm fine. My body aches, but I'm fine. I'm alive. See?" Lance took Keith's hand and placed it on his chest.   
"You feel cold and wet with no pulse," Keith deadpanned while another tear made its way down Keith's face.   
"Well, unless corpses speak, I'm alive," Lance said as he placed their hands back onto the bed. Keith breathed in a shaky breath and pushed his hair back with his free hand. A police officer walked in not too long after and asked Lance a few questions. As the police officer left she made a comment that he was lucky he was walking away from this alive or otherwise. Apparently his old ass truck was made with a steel frame which absorbed most of the impact.    
"Never fucking do this again or I'll kill you myself," Keith threatened as he squeezed Lance's hand tight. "You mean too much to me," Keith stated quietly.    
From the phone call to seeing Lance had been a whirlwind of emotions for Keith. He was shocked, angry, sad, concerned, fearful, and anxious because he had no idea what had happened, and at some point the idea that he didn't want to lose Lance crossed his mind. Keith realized that losing Lance would be like losing Shiro all over again. He wouldn't get to spend the night at Lance's apartment and watch movies with him, he wouldn't get to see Lance try and pet his cats and fail every time, he wouldn't get to watch the sky with him, he wouldn't get to see Lance laugh and frown and sleep and eat and just live anymore. All of it would be over prematurely just like Shiro. And just like Shiro, Keith loved Lance. Through all the emotions he felt on his way to Lance he realized he loved him like Shiro. So Keith couldn't lose him. Not again.   
Keith was looking down at their hands and Lance was looking at Keith with so much love in his eyes it truly was a shame Keith missed it.   
"You mean the world to me too buddy," Lance replied.


	12. Chapter 12

For a couple weeks Lance had trouble walking and was plenty sore, but otherwise he was doing quite well. He was not too pleased initially about the loss of his truck, but for the time being Keith lent him his old motorcycle to use and so everything went on like normal. Well, minus the fact that Keith nearly jumped out of his skin everytime Lance so much as looked at him. Ever since Lance's accident, Keith has been hyper aware of Lance and it makes Keith exceptionally jittery. Not to mention Keith was building up the courage to ask Lance to be his boyfriend.    
Finally, after weeks of waiting, Keith decided he was finally going to come clean to Lance at tell him because he learned with Shiro the hard way that waiting to tell someone how you feel only makes things worse and more confusing in the long run.   
It was a Friday evening when Keith went over to Lance's place. He walked right into Lance's apartment unannounced and he could hear Lance talking to someone so he quietly closed the door behind him. Lance was facing his window, looking outside, intently listening to whoever was on the other side of the phone. Keith quickly hid behind the wall so he could eavesdrop.   
"Okay okay okay Bella. So Harry is going to stay with you until I get out? But I miss my baby. I want to hug and kiss and cuddle my baby. I miss em. Can you please ask Harry?" Lance grew quiet for a minute. "What do you mean you can't? Put Harry on the phone," silence again. "Hey my sweet little angel do you miss your daddy?" Lance grew quiet again then laughed. "Are you sure you don't want to come back here?" Lance waited for a response. "Alright. I'll see you in a few months. I love you," Lance paused. "Alright Bella, Harry seems okay with staying there. I'll see y'all in a few months. Bye bye. Love you too," Lance hung up and continued to stare outside. Keith quickly opened the front door to emulate coming inside. Lance didn't turn around when he spoke, "Hey Keith."   
"Hey Lance," Keith replied, sadness laced in his voice. Lance turned around. Concern adorned his face.   
"You alright?" Lance asked while walking toward Keith.   
"Peachy... So you want to go to the park with me? I'm bored," Keith asked. Lance smiled brightly.   
"Sure! Let's go," Lance answered. "I. Just need to find my keys. Give me a sec."   
While Lance hunted for his keys Keith took a few deep breaths.  _ Seems like he has a boyfriend. Appears I'm too late to make him mine, _ Keith thought sadly. Lance popped his head out of his bedroom.   
"Last one there is a rotten egg!" Lance shouted and ran out the door. Keith sighed and slowly followed suit. As he locked the door Keith had another thought, I would have never guessed he had a daddy kink. Weird.


	13. Chapter 13

Lance always knew when he fucked up.    
He fucked up.   
He knew he should have shut his bedroom door, but he just couldn't be bothered to close it. Lance was changing out of his camis into some comfy pjs when Keith walked into his doorway.   
"So Lance, I was think about baking some brownie," Keith said as he stared at the box of brownie mix.   
"Go ahead," Lance replied as he began to pull a shirt over his head. Lance heard something drop then hands on his back almost simultaneously.   
"What happened?" Keith whispered as his fingers ghosted over the scar on Lance's upper back. Keith looked down and a small gasp escaped his lips. "Two?" Keith asked as he ghosted over the second large scar on his lower back. Lance grimaced as he pulled his shirt over his head to cover the scars.   
"Getting shot at is part of the job," Lance answered as he turned around to face Keith.    
"When did this happen?" Keith asked as he stared at Lance surprised.   
"About two years ago now," Lance answered vaguely in hopes of dropping the subject. Keith was not about to let that happen. As Lance tried to walk past Keith, Keith grabbed Lance's wrist.   
"I've known you for roughly that long. Why didn't you ever talk to me about that? That shit has to fuck you up a little bit. You're always helping me. Why didn't you let me help you?" Keith questioned clearly very hurt and confused. Lance sighed.   
"I didn't want to bother you that's all," Lance stated.   
"That's bullshit. You've never had any issues bothering me. Try the fuck again," Keith said annoyance and anger becoming apparent. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion as well.   
"I was shot in Iraq. Happy?" Lance asked annoyance growing in himself since he really didn't want to bring up the subject of those bullet wounds.   
"No. Why didn't you tell me?" Keith demanded. Lance ran his free hand down his face then he let his hand drop.   
"Because of Shiro," Lance whispered face looking at the floorboards.   
"What was that?" Keith asked, now just confused.   
"Shiro. He's why," Lance said a little louder.   
"Explain," Keith said as he released Lance's wrist and stood staring at him arms crossed.   
"I was the subordinate that Shiro was protecting when he died. He was my Staff Sergeant," Lance took a deep breath before continuing. "When we were out on an operation we were ambushed. The Humvee in front of us hit an IED. We had to get out of our vehicle because of that and then we were getting shot. I was so disoriented that I just stood still after getting out of the Humvee which was not what I should have done and Shiro grabbed me and pulled me behind the Humvee. As he helped me he was shot. He got me behind the car and he dropped to the ground next to me. I turned to thank him when I saw his pants were soaked in blood. I tried. I really fucking tried to stop the bleeding, but I realized he was hit in the femoral artery and I just didn't have the equipment to stop that. He grabbed my hands and told me to stop. Then he smiled and a single tear rolled down his face when he told me to tell you that he loved you. After that he died because those types of hits kill in a matter of minutes. I still ended up getting shot but I was able to get out of there alive. I was in a coma for a little over two weeks and it took me about a month to recover. I took some leave after that and on my way back to the base I stopped at Shiro's grave. That's where I met you," Lance finished. Lance finally gained the courage to look at Keith. Two lines of dried tears were imprinted on Keith's face and his mouth was shaped into a small o.   
"You're lying," Keith sniffled out.   
"God I wish I was," Lance walked toward Keith and tried to hug him. "I am so sorry I should have-" Lance was cut off and pushed away by Keith.   
"Told me sooner? Yeah, but you didn't. I cannot fucking believe this.  _ You _ ! You, of all people had to be the reason he's gone. Why you?" Keith was extremely furious and distraught. He continuously pointed at Lance. "Why fucking you? Did you know I really liked you? I  _ really _ fucking liked you. I think I even loved you. But now-" Keith threw his hands back as his voice raised in volume. "Now you have to tell me  _ this _ ? Shiro was my everything, and you were slowly filling the spaces he once had, but loving you now would be a disservice to Shiro. The man who couldn't move that Shiro had to be a hero for just had to be the guy I fall for next! Why am I so fucking stupid?" Keith ran both of his hands through his hair to move it out of his face because he was way to hot. "I can't believe I was heartbroken when I found out you had a boyfriend," Keith stated and Lance looked confused at that. "Don't act surprised. I heard you talking on the phone to 'your baby'. Either way, I shouldn't have been so sad since you are the reason he's dead!  _ Dead _ Lance! I will never get to see Shiro again because of you!" Keith jabbed one of his fingers in Lance’s chest. "You know what? Fuck you! I hate you and never want anything to do with you ever again. I'm leaving," Keith began to stalk off when Lance spoke up.   
"I need to give you something before you leave," Lance said sullenly.   
"What is it asshole," Keith snarled. Lance went and rummaged through his drawer for that little piece of paper.   
"Here. Shiro gave it to me before he died and told me to give it to you," Lance said as he handed Keith a folded piece of bloodstained notebook paper. Keith took it and left and Lance sat on his bed crying and hating himself for not shutting that fucking door.   
Keith made it to his bike before he collapsed and began to cry.  _ Why him? Why Lance?, _ Keith thought as his throat grew heavy with unsounded screams. Keith wiped the tears from his eyes to read the note Shiro left him.    
_ Dear Keith, _ _   
_ _ The only reason you have this letter is because I'm gone and I am so sorry. I never wanted to leave you like that but sometimes fate happens to work that way. So, if you're reading this know I love you. I've loved you since you were thirteen. I know we've had our rough times and I did some awful things to you and I am still so sorry I ever put you through all that. We certainly were dumb, young, and in love, but we made it work. I hope you know as I die you will be the last thing on my mind before I go because you made this life worth living. It'll be too bad I can't marry the love of my life, but please, whatever you do, don't let my abrupt ending ruin your happily ever after. You will find someone who loves you just as much as I do. Maybe even more. And I know you don't believe in a heaven, but I do, so I'll be sure to help lead the right guy to you because my Keith only deserves the best. You will forever be my north star guiding me to be better. I love you so much Keith.  _ _   
_ _ Yours Forever and Always, _ _   
_ __ Takashi Shirogane   
That night both boys cried themselves to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

February rolled around again, Lance and Keith hadn't spoken for about a month, and Keith found himself sitting at Shiro's headstone once more. The lion he left there a year ago still sat there completely worn out by the elements. Keith sat cross legged the same as the first time he was there and the night sky looked identical to the sky he saw two years ago. He searched the sky for Perseus. "There you are. That's you Shiro," Keith looked back at the headstone. "The hero. You've always been the hero. Saving the day," Keith had a small smile across his lips. "So I have had a strange two years without you. I blame it on a guy named Lance. You know him. You protected him," Keith shoved his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out the bloodstained note. "This little note here. I am so glad you wrote it Shiro. At first it hurt to read, but throughout this month it has become more of a comfort than anything else," Keith sighed and gazed at the note. "I know you still felt guilty about the things that happened between us that weren't so good, but I've forgiven you a million times over for them," Keith shifted his gaze to look at Shiro's headstone. "I find it kind of funny and clearly ironic that you said you'd help lead the right guy my way if you passed. Turns out you went so far as to protect him in life too you stupid son of a bitch," Keith sighed sadly. "I love you still. I don't think I'll ever stop, but maybe there's room for a second love," Keith whispered to Shiro's grave. "Too bad I fucked it up."    
Suddenly Keith heard the distinct sound of a vehicle with a broken muffler but he just ignored it and continued to sulk in front of Shiro's headstone. Just as quickly as it came the sound disappeared. Keith felt a tap on his shoulder.   
"Who the fuck are you?" Keith said as he whipped around to Lance standing in front of him.   
"Forget me already?" Lance replied as he sat on the grass mimicking Keith's position.   
"H-hey Lance," Keith stuttered surprised to see him.   
"Hey buddy," Lance replied with a smile.   
"Why are you here?" Keith asked confused.   
"Well, I just got out of the service about a week ago, I was seeing my family and I decided I'd come visit Shiro and tell him how much of an idiot I am in person," Lance answered as he leaned back to gaze at the stars.  _ You're really pushing this guy on me aren't you Shiro? Still the hero even in death helping me out like this, _ Keith thought in amusement.   
"Thank you," Keith whispered as quiet as the breeze.   
"What was that?" Lance asked turning his head to look at Keith. Keith smiled at Lance and began to laugh a hearty happy laugh. Lance looked absolutely confused.   
"What is so funny?" Lance asked.   
"I wish I knew," Keith said as he gradually calmed down. Keith took a good look at Lance then spoke, "I missed you." Lance smiled and lunged at Keith and tackled him in a hug.   
"I missed you too!" Lance exclaimed while hugging Keith. After a moment Lance suddenly released Keith. "Want to meet my cat?" Lance asked really excited. Keith laughed.   
"Sure. I'd love to meet her," Keith answered. Lance ran to his truck and Keith watched as he opened his door and beckoned out the animal. In the moonlight Keith was able to see the small pink hairless cat walk over to him. She was on a blue leash and once Lance had gotten back to Keith, Lance picked the cat up next to his face.   
"Say hi to Harry," Lance said. Keith's eyes bulged.   
"Her name is Harry?" Keith asked flabbergasted.   
"Yup! I named her all by myself," Lance said as he placed Hank down on the ground.   
"Come down here right now Lance," Keith beckoned Lance down and Lance listened like a happy little puppy. Without warning Keith pushed Lance onto the grass, climbed on top of him and kissed him. It was supposed to be a five second peck, but Lance laced his fingers through Keith's hair to deepen the kiss and Keith was perfectly alright with that. Lance tasted like cupcakes and his slight stubble didn't bother Keith in the slightest. Keith took his own hands and ran them through Lance's short hair and he felt Lance smile on his lips. Lance lightly bit Keith's bottom lip and Keith pulled up slightly and Lance relinquished. Keith placed a few feather light kissed onto Lance's lips and gradually Lance's lips parted. Keith took the chance to snake his tongue into Lance's mouth so he could deepen the kiss even more and Lance melted into the kiss. One of Lance's hands traveled down toward Keith's waist and then quickly traveled to Keith's ass and gave an unexpected squeeze. Keith pulled away from the kiss to yell at Lance, but as soon as Keith went to speak Lance took the opportunity to take control of the kiss. Lance flipped them over so that Keith was underneath him as he deepened the kiss and Keith was more than happy having Lance overtop of him. Lance started chuckling during the kiss and he had to release Keith's lips to which Keith made a very displeased grunt.   
"Hank's on my back," Lance laughed as he slowly got up to get the cat off of him. Lance went and laid next to Keith. "So you still maybe love me?" Lance asked gazing at the night sky again.   
"Yes," Keith said immediately as he too gazed up at the stars.   
"I love you too," Lance said as he lolled his head toward Keith. Keith turn to look back at Lance. Keith heart was beating a million miles per hour and all he could do was smile and laugh.   
"So I guess you don't have a daddy kink then," Keith commented.   
"I can if you want me to," Lance responded with a suggestive eye wiggle.   
"Don't ruin it. Now let's look at the stars," Keith said as he turned to face the sky again. Lance continued gazing at Keith. He took a deep breath before speaking.   
"I already am."


End file.
